Humility, the place of entire dependence on God, is from the very nature of things the first duty and the highest virtue of His creatures. Help us all to decrease as you increase in our lives. Help us lay everything at your feet. Help us lay our plans, our dreams, our failures, our struggles, our losses, even our very heart at your feet. Teach us to surrender, to yield, to let go.... You are more than enough... make it a reality in our lives.
LISTEN TO THIS SONG "SURRENDER" BY LINCOLN BREWSTER
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nj156ZHzG5I
Ladies,
Please let me know if you are getting these posts and whether or not you are interested in continuing to get the blog. I havent heard from anyone and have no way of knowing if it is getting through to you, or if it is something you need or have a desire to receive. Robin
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
Release the Past to Embrace the Future
Take a look at these words from my friend Joni Ames.
http://www.injesus.com/index.php?module=message&task=view&MID=5B007GMC&GroupID=HB0069Y4&label=&paging=all
http://www.injesus.com/index.php?module=message&task=view&MID=5B007GMC&GroupID=HB0069Y4&label=&paging=all
Thursday, July 30, 2009
More Than Ashes
MORE THAN ASHES
I'm more than what these ashes say
They will fade away when He comes for me
By grace through faith in Christ I'm saved
I am not the same when He looks at me.
I am the Rose, the joy for which You died
And this I know, I move You with delight
And when my heart condemns on everyside
I take refuge in the truth
I am the Rose to you.
My life is more than meets the eye
I'm hidden now in Christ
And I'm one with Him
My love is real before His eyes
He's ravished by the sight of one glance from me.
I am the Rose, I am the Lily
I am Yours
I'm your beauty.
There's gonna be a wedding
It's the reason that I'm living
To marry the Lamb.
I'm more than what these ashes say
My love is real before His eyes
He's ravished by one glance from me.
There's gonna be a wedding
It's the reason that I am living
To marry the Lamb
To marry the Lamb.....
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
BOLD LOVE
Last night as I was getting ready for bed, I picked up a book we used at the Barnabas Center titled Bold Love. Not sure why but I flipped to the very end of the book and read something the author had written for his father's funeral. It prompted such emotions in me I had difficulty falling asleep. Thoughts of my own father's aging and the fears I have felt when thinking of his no longer being with us swirled around in my mind. I remembered several times most recently when I sat on my daddy's screened porch with him in the late afternoon watching the activity in the backyard.
Some of these times were a bit uncomfortable since my daddy is not a real communicator. He was especially quiet some of the time unless I drew him into conversation. I asked him questions about the different kinds of birds we were seeing in the yard, his garden and that old standby, the weather. Once while talking to him, I shared a testimony from a revival service I attended at Brownsville in Pensacola, Florida. The tears that came into his eyes allowed me a very brief look into his heart. I thought about it for days.
In the book Bold Love, Dan Allender, speaks of something I learned about at the Barnabas Center called "being present in one's own life." I am realizing more and more the numbness and the denial and illusion life can be filled with here on this earth. As the author spoke about his time with his father in the last days of his life, I was sure the Lord was speaking to me about my own life and relationships.
This morning my Bible study seemed to take these thoughts deeper as I read in the book of John 11 about the death, burial and resurrection of Lazarus. As I read this passage which is very familiar to me, it seemed God was bringing a new revelation. I have often quoted this part of that passage, "if you only believe you will see the glory of God." This morning, however, I was drawn to verses 9-10. "Anyone who walks about in the daytime does not stumble, because he sees [by the light of this world]. But if anyone walks about in the night, he does stumble, because there is no light in him [the light is lacking to him].
I had some sense of what God was speaking but still felt He was unfolding something mysterious to me. I talked to Him about the feelings of insecurity I have had in my life, birthed in my childhood. In my earliest years, my father was not a believer and there were many reasons I became fearful of having no one to take care of me. When we are faced with the painful circumstances in our lives, we feel forced to erect a stronghold around our hearts in self defense. We can live our entire lives with a stronghold of fear or an illusion of control. Because we either busy ourselves with a compulsive running to avoid the pain or are debilitated by the fear, we grow numb to the Presence of the One who came as the answer to our insecurities and painful wounds.
Now, let's go back to my father and the time I spent with him recently. I have wondered today what painful wounds he still carries in his heart as he experiences the aging process which will ultimately take him to the death of his physical body. This must be a very difficult time in his life. He spends virtually all of his time alone in a home he once shared with my mother. He is unable to do as much physically what he once did to bring fulfillment. Physical strength and his work were the things which most likely were his identity. The picture of him as a young man, a professional boxer flashed through my mind. I also wondered about how authentic my relationship with him has been.
On the last pages of Bold Love, Dan Allender uses these words to describe the last days of his relationship with His father.
"In the days to follow, we talked about the things of life that were off limits. Many topics, sadly, still remained closed or answerable in a way that left me empty. Our relationship was never close to ideal. We had some painful and healing talks about our failure of one another. Even days before he died, I still fought with him to get him to see another physician. I believe God honored my unrelenting persistence with a closeness that was tangible and tasty to the soul.The eulogy I wrote for his funeral could not have been honestly read unless my father and I had struggled together in the labor of deepening love." These words were followed by the eulogy which brought serious tears last night before I finally fell asleep.
This work of "bold love" can be pictured in both the words of the author and also in the words of Apostle Paul in summarized this way, "our outer man is dimishing, but our inner man is being renewed and recreated." Whatever we offer others of ourselves in the space between the our birth and death is our gift back to the Giver Himself.He has given us the example of Christ's Bold Love throughout the gospel story.
Somehow I sense that God wants me to realize several gifts HE has given me. He has given me the gift of time in order that I might walk through this season of my father's life with him as well as others he brings into my path. He sent Jesus, the Word to be my light and to shed light in those dark places of my heart so that I might be emptied of all that has held me in that place of numbness, not really present in my own life. And, he has given me the invitation He gave Lazarus, "Come forth", and the opportunity to shed the grave clothes of the past and have real relationship with not only Him but those closest to me.
I am growing in my understanding of what it means to be "present in my own life." It has something to do with taking the time to sit with my own father in his last days and learn what it means to have an intimate relationship with him. Sometimes there will be no words at all, just a stillness and an enjoyment of his presence. Intimacy in my relationship with my earthly father should mirror that which is available to me in the presence of my heavenly Father. I have discovered the fears I have of emptying myself before my Heavenly Father are just as present in my interactions with my earthly father.
I sense in my heart that it is in those dark places where we have not gone in our relationships that we have stumbled. Just like Lazarus and Jesus had to go to the tomb, a place of darkness, before being resurrected to new life,we may have to go to those places to receive the gift of the Giver Himself. The one who sees by the light of the world, Jesus, will no longer stumble around in the dark.
One last thought comes to mind as I think of carrying through with this kind of approach to relationship with not only my dad but others.I fear the tears I saw coming into my daddy's eyes that day as I shared a testimony of God's grace. Perhaps that is the key to my thoughts this day. When I see my father as an earthen vessel and his true frailty, I will come face to face with my own. Facing my insecurity and possibly that of my dad's could possibly feel very dark, threatening and foreboding but God has promised that His light would overcome our darkness. struggled together in the labor of deepening love
I have a choice,like the author, to struggle together in labor to deepen and have a more intimate relationship with my Heavenly Father and also with those I have relationship with on this earth. I can choose to numb out or just take life as it is and hope for the best. I can also choose to allow His presence to make me "real and present in my own life."
So, what does it mean to be "present in my own life?" How would Lazarus have felt had Jesus simply come and healed him of his physical illness and made his body whole again? Contrast how he must have been impacted to find he has passed from death into life... eternal life at the command of Jesus to "Come forth." It was the difference between the gift and the gift of the Giver Himself.
If we allow Him to take us through the wilderness, the tomb and the darkness of our own hearts and invite others to go with us on that journey,I believe we will experience the Bold Love that Jesus came to give us.It will be like a taste of heaven on earth,a taste of eternal hope. BOLD LOVE... I invite you to journey with me....
Some of these times were a bit uncomfortable since my daddy is not a real communicator. He was especially quiet some of the time unless I drew him into conversation. I asked him questions about the different kinds of birds we were seeing in the yard, his garden and that old standby, the weather. Once while talking to him, I shared a testimony from a revival service I attended at Brownsville in Pensacola, Florida. The tears that came into his eyes allowed me a very brief look into his heart. I thought about it for days.
In the book Bold Love, Dan Allender, speaks of something I learned about at the Barnabas Center called "being present in one's own life." I am realizing more and more the numbness and the denial and illusion life can be filled with here on this earth. As the author spoke about his time with his father in the last days of his life, I was sure the Lord was speaking to me about my own life and relationships.
This morning my Bible study seemed to take these thoughts deeper as I read in the book of John 11 about the death, burial and resurrection of Lazarus. As I read this passage which is very familiar to me, it seemed God was bringing a new revelation. I have often quoted this part of that passage, "if you only believe you will see the glory of God." This morning, however, I was drawn to verses 9-10. "Anyone who walks about in the daytime does not stumble, because he sees [by the light of this world]. But if anyone walks about in the night, he does stumble, because there is no light in him [the light is lacking to him].
I had some sense of what God was speaking but still felt He was unfolding something mysterious to me. I talked to Him about the feelings of insecurity I have had in my life, birthed in my childhood. In my earliest years, my father was not a believer and there were many reasons I became fearful of having no one to take care of me. When we are faced with the painful circumstances in our lives, we feel forced to erect a stronghold around our hearts in self defense. We can live our entire lives with a stronghold of fear or an illusion of control. Because we either busy ourselves with a compulsive running to avoid the pain or are debilitated by the fear, we grow numb to the Presence of the One who came as the answer to our insecurities and painful wounds.
Now, let's go back to my father and the time I spent with him recently. I have wondered today what painful wounds he still carries in his heart as he experiences the aging process which will ultimately take him to the death of his physical body. This must be a very difficult time in his life. He spends virtually all of his time alone in a home he once shared with my mother. He is unable to do as much physically what he once did to bring fulfillment. Physical strength and his work were the things which most likely were his identity. The picture of him as a young man, a professional boxer flashed through my mind. I also wondered about how authentic my relationship with him has been.
On the last pages of Bold Love, Dan Allender uses these words to describe the last days of his relationship with His father.
"In the days to follow, we talked about the things of life that were off limits. Many topics, sadly, still remained closed or answerable in a way that left me empty. Our relationship was never close to ideal. We had some painful and healing talks about our failure of one another. Even days before he died, I still fought with him to get him to see another physician. I believe God honored my unrelenting persistence with a closeness that was tangible and tasty to the soul.The eulogy I wrote for his funeral could not have been honestly read unless my father and I had struggled together in the labor of deepening love." These words were followed by the eulogy which brought serious tears last night before I finally fell asleep.
This work of "bold love" can be pictured in both the words of the author and also in the words of Apostle Paul in summarized this way, "our outer man is dimishing, but our inner man is being renewed and recreated." Whatever we offer others of ourselves in the space between the our birth and death is our gift back to the Giver Himself.He has given us the example of Christ's Bold Love throughout the gospel story.
Somehow I sense that God wants me to realize several gifts HE has given me. He has given me the gift of time in order that I might walk through this season of my father's life with him as well as others he brings into my path. He sent Jesus, the Word to be my light and to shed light in those dark places of my heart so that I might be emptied of all that has held me in that place of numbness, not really present in my own life. And, he has given me the invitation He gave Lazarus, "Come forth", and the opportunity to shed the grave clothes of the past and have real relationship with not only Him but those closest to me.
I am growing in my understanding of what it means to be "present in my own life." It has something to do with taking the time to sit with my own father in his last days and learn what it means to have an intimate relationship with him. Sometimes there will be no words at all, just a stillness and an enjoyment of his presence. Intimacy in my relationship with my earthly father should mirror that which is available to me in the presence of my heavenly Father. I have discovered the fears I have of emptying myself before my Heavenly Father are just as present in my interactions with my earthly father.
I sense in my heart that it is in those dark places where we have not gone in our relationships that we have stumbled. Just like Lazarus and Jesus had to go to the tomb, a place of darkness, before being resurrected to new life,we may have to go to those places to receive the gift of the Giver Himself. The one who sees by the light of the world, Jesus, will no longer stumble around in the dark.
One last thought comes to mind as I think of carrying through with this kind of approach to relationship with not only my dad but others.I fear the tears I saw coming into my daddy's eyes that day as I shared a testimony of God's grace. Perhaps that is the key to my thoughts this day. When I see my father as an earthen vessel and his true frailty, I will come face to face with my own. Facing my insecurity and possibly that of my dad's could possibly feel very dark, threatening and foreboding but God has promised that His light would overcome our darkness. struggled together in the labor of deepening love
I have a choice,like the author, to struggle together in labor to deepen and have a more intimate relationship with my Heavenly Father and also with those I have relationship with on this earth. I can choose to numb out or just take life as it is and hope for the best. I can also choose to allow His presence to make me "real and present in my own life."
So, what does it mean to be "present in my own life?" How would Lazarus have felt had Jesus simply come and healed him of his physical illness and made his body whole again? Contrast how he must have been impacted to find he has passed from death into life... eternal life at the command of Jesus to "Come forth." It was the difference between the gift and the gift of the Giver Himself.
If we allow Him to take us through the wilderness, the tomb and the darkness of our own hearts and invite others to go with us on that journey,I believe we will experience the Bold Love that Jesus came to give us.It will be like a taste of heaven on earth,a taste of eternal hope. BOLD LOVE... I invite you to journey with me....
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Mirror Image
We are on a journey ladies to our freedom in Christ. I believe this journey is found in a personal relationship with Him. Personal relationship means just that. It will be as personal and as varied as there are people He has created to have relationship with Him.
In September, I began writing a book. This has been a dream of mine for a long time. It is somewhat like a memoir and gives personal accounts of the painful journey of healing from sexual scars in my life. It will hopefully point other women to the hope and victory we have in Christ.One thing I felt God impressed upon me in my journey towards healing was my need to know who I am in Christ.
Having studied the book of Ephesians a few years ago, I learned phrases like "accepted in the Beloved" and "chosen before the foundation of the world" along with "seated in heavenly places". I admit these have often seemed like mere words or phrases with no real meaning. On my journey to freedom, I am finding these phrases are sinking deep into my spirit and becoming more real to me as I trust Him with the broken and dark recesses of my heart. My prayer is that as I invite Him into those places, I will be transformed and become REAL,AUTHENTIC and true to His original design for me.
When we let go of the world's images and how we are encouraged to look and behave and allow Him to show us His original plan and purpose for our lives, we will find the freedom and authenticity that have seemed completely out of reach.
I am sure you are all aware of the strong pull all around us to fit into the mold that society thrusts into our living rooms and onto the pages of every magazine, book cover and billboard around us.For those of us affected by sexual sin whether in our past or present, we often respond out of our emotions and unsurrendered, unhealed areas of our hearts. I picture some of the broken and wounded women I have spoken with building a bonfire and vigilante style taking torches to these daily reminders of how objectified women have become in our society. I am tempted to do the same.
In the past, when I have thought of "being seated with Him in heavenly places", it seemed unattainale. Shame and guilt can keep us from feeling we have a place here on earth and therefore,having a seat in heaven seems an impossibility.
My dream to write a book was originally birthed out of the following scripture, "For[as far as this world is concerned] you have died, and your [new, real] life is hidden with Christ in God.(Colossians 3:3) I remember this scripture jumping off the page at me and then for several years wondering what it really meant to be hidden with Christ.
When we are hidden with Him in that secret place of an intimate relationship, we are much like a baby in the womb. Just as the umbilical cord provides the nourishment a fetus needs, we can be nourished by a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. He provides a place that is protected from the harsh realities of the world. We all remember what it is like to see a baby come into the world and the shock it must be to their system to come out into the bright lights and the "all eyes on me" experience after being hidden away in that comfortable place within the womb.
Think of the last time someone in your family, circle of friends or even an advertisement on television left you feeling less than capable, "not good enough, thin enough or bright enough." We often feel we are trying to measure up to an invisible standard that constantly keeps changing.
Remember how visitors come to see the newborns in the hospital,gazing at all the babies and making comparisons. Oh,look at that one with the.... and what about that one, isn't she...? When we are born into this world of sin, we are forced out into the place of dealing with the brokenness that comes from original sin and we seem to spend most of our lives trying to cover ourselves and the shame that accompanies our entry into a sin filled world.
When we enter this world the battle begins for our hearts. We must shed all the expectations of others and every negative mindset we have allowed into our hearts. The Bible says that as a woman thinks in her heart so is she.... We were not made to fit into this world. We were made for His pleasure and we belong hidden in the Lord Jesus. Women have asked me how they can shed the shame, get rid of the guilt, and shake the negative image? I have struggled with it my entire life. I believe the answer is always in His Word.
Think of these pictures in His Word and allow yourself to feel "hidden in Him."
Imagine yourself hidden in His heart, tattooed on His hand, seated with Him in heaven, enfolded by His arms,under His giant wings.
Now, picture yourself looking into the mirror at your own reflection. If we are made in His image, what does that really mean? Does Jesus really look like the pictures we have seen since childhood? Obviously that is someone else's rendering of Him.
What is our individual image of Him? When I think of Jesus, the lover of my soul, I suppose I superimpose His image over someone or something that speaks of love to me. Like the woman I spoke with yesterday who finds Him in her garden or in the quiet moments of prayer. My friend in Ohio who hears Him in the bird's song. My own picture of His love is never clearer than the hugs, the kisses and the laughter of my grandchildren.
How do we become hidden with Him in God the Father? How do we begin to take on His character and become His eyes of love, His hands of mercy, His feet that walk into the painful places? I believe it is in coming to know Him intimately.
How does that happen? I believe it is as varied as there are women He created. He made each one of us so unique and created us with gifts that open the door to our hearts. Maybe you feel hidden in that secret place and filled with His comfort when you hold a kitten in your arms. Perhaps its when you are baking a cake and feel that completeness and satisfaction in making something special for someone you love. It could be when you sing a song from the past or catch a fish that reminds you of a warm and meaningful time.
HE created us in His image.When we see Him in all of creation... in our five senses...in nature, song, dance, tears, laughter... When we see Him everywhere and take our eyes off the things of this world, it is like re-entering the womb and the safety of being hidden with Him in that secret place.That is where we are seated with Him in heavenly places. What is more heavenly to you than anything this world has to offer? What did He create in you that makes you feel Free from the world's unrealistic expectations and FREE to be the authentic person you were meant to be since before the foundations of the world? That is where you will find the image of Christ stamped on your life.
Ask Him to show you where you can find the nourishment, protection, the fulfillment and satisfaction of being hidden in Him.
In September, I began writing a book. This has been a dream of mine for a long time. It is somewhat like a memoir and gives personal accounts of the painful journey of healing from sexual scars in my life. It will hopefully point other women to the hope and victory we have in Christ.One thing I felt God impressed upon me in my journey towards healing was my need to know who I am in Christ.
Having studied the book of Ephesians a few years ago, I learned phrases like "accepted in the Beloved" and "chosen before the foundation of the world" along with "seated in heavenly places". I admit these have often seemed like mere words or phrases with no real meaning. On my journey to freedom, I am finding these phrases are sinking deep into my spirit and becoming more real to me as I trust Him with the broken and dark recesses of my heart. My prayer is that as I invite Him into those places, I will be transformed and become REAL,AUTHENTIC and true to His original design for me.
When we let go of the world's images and how we are encouraged to look and behave and allow Him to show us His original plan and purpose for our lives, we will find the freedom and authenticity that have seemed completely out of reach.
I am sure you are all aware of the strong pull all around us to fit into the mold that society thrusts into our living rooms and onto the pages of every magazine, book cover and billboard around us.For those of us affected by sexual sin whether in our past or present, we often respond out of our emotions and unsurrendered, unhealed areas of our hearts. I picture some of the broken and wounded women I have spoken with building a bonfire and vigilante style taking torches to these daily reminders of how objectified women have become in our society. I am tempted to do the same.
In the past, when I have thought of "being seated with Him in heavenly places", it seemed unattainale. Shame and guilt can keep us from feeling we have a place here on earth and therefore,having a seat in heaven seems an impossibility.
My dream to write a book was originally birthed out of the following scripture, "For[as far as this world is concerned] you have died, and your [new, real] life is hidden with Christ in God.(Colossians 3:3) I remember this scripture jumping off the page at me and then for several years wondering what it really meant to be hidden with Christ.
When we are hidden with Him in that secret place of an intimate relationship, we are much like a baby in the womb. Just as the umbilical cord provides the nourishment a fetus needs, we can be nourished by a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. He provides a place that is protected from the harsh realities of the world. We all remember what it is like to see a baby come into the world and the shock it must be to their system to come out into the bright lights and the "all eyes on me" experience after being hidden away in that comfortable place within the womb.
Think of the last time someone in your family, circle of friends or even an advertisement on television left you feeling less than capable, "not good enough, thin enough or bright enough." We often feel we are trying to measure up to an invisible standard that constantly keeps changing.
Remember how visitors come to see the newborns in the hospital,gazing at all the babies and making comparisons. Oh,look at that one with the.... and what about that one, isn't she...? When we are born into this world of sin, we are forced out into the place of dealing with the brokenness that comes from original sin and we seem to spend most of our lives trying to cover ourselves and the shame that accompanies our entry into a sin filled world.
When we enter this world the battle begins for our hearts. We must shed all the expectations of others and every negative mindset we have allowed into our hearts. The Bible says that as a woman thinks in her heart so is she.... We were not made to fit into this world. We were made for His pleasure and we belong hidden in the Lord Jesus. Women have asked me how they can shed the shame, get rid of the guilt, and shake the negative image? I have struggled with it my entire life. I believe the answer is always in His Word.
Think of these pictures in His Word and allow yourself to feel "hidden in Him."
Imagine yourself hidden in His heart, tattooed on His hand, seated with Him in heaven, enfolded by His arms,under His giant wings.
Now, picture yourself looking into the mirror at your own reflection. If we are made in His image, what does that really mean? Does Jesus really look like the pictures we have seen since childhood? Obviously that is someone else's rendering of Him.
What is our individual image of Him? When I think of Jesus, the lover of my soul, I suppose I superimpose His image over someone or something that speaks of love to me. Like the woman I spoke with yesterday who finds Him in her garden or in the quiet moments of prayer. My friend in Ohio who hears Him in the bird's song. My own picture of His love is never clearer than the hugs, the kisses and the laughter of my grandchildren.
How do we become hidden with Him in God the Father? How do we begin to take on His character and become His eyes of love, His hands of mercy, His feet that walk into the painful places? I believe it is in coming to know Him intimately.
How does that happen? I believe it is as varied as there are women He created. He made each one of us so unique and created us with gifts that open the door to our hearts. Maybe you feel hidden in that secret place and filled with His comfort when you hold a kitten in your arms. Perhaps its when you are baking a cake and feel that completeness and satisfaction in making something special for someone you love. It could be when you sing a song from the past or catch a fish that reminds you of a warm and meaningful time.
HE created us in His image.When we see Him in all of creation... in our five senses...in nature, song, dance, tears, laughter... When we see Him everywhere and take our eyes off the things of this world, it is like re-entering the womb and the safety of being hidden with Him in that secret place.That is where we are seated with Him in heavenly places. What is more heavenly to you than anything this world has to offer? What did He create in you that makes you feel Free from the world's unrealistic expectations and FREE to be the authentic person you were meant to be since before the foundations of the world? That is where you will find the image of Christ stamped on your life.
Ask Him to show you where you can find the nourishment, protection, the fulfillment and satisfaction of being hidden in Him.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Redeemed Hearts
Redeemed Hearts
“The heart is deceitful above all things, and it is exceedingly perverse and corrupt and severely, mortally sick! Who can know it [perceive, understand, be acquainted with his own heart and mind? I the Lord search the mind; I try the heart, even to give to every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his doings.” (Jeremiah17:9-10)
It has been obvious the last several days that God is speaking to me about my heart. It has come to me through several sources, confirming to me this is something He wants me to understand. As I studied the scriptures in my Breaking Free workbook (Beth Moore study), I was drawn to a several ideas she included in the first week’s lesson.
First, there was the bullet point that said ‘Christ’s ministry is a ministry of the heart’. Following the teaching about Luke 4 and the words “the people spoke well of Jesus and were amazed at his works”, was the following statement.
“I am touched again by the realization that speaking well of Christ, and even being amazed by His works or words, does not equal belief.” This reminded me of the discussion we had in our connect group yesterday about the passage in Proverbs 6: 16-19 about the seven sins God hates. We all came to the conclusion these sins had to do with the ‘heart’. Not fully understanding this passage, I asked God to speak more to me about this in the days to come. He is so faithful when we ask Him to reveal things in His Word.
This morning, I woke up to find an email from a dear friend who mails out prophetic word pictures that He has given her to those on her mailing list. These word-pictures often line up with what God is speaking to me. Today was no different.
“A closet door with a high shelf on which sat a silver-plated heart complete with valves, aorta, etc…”
My friend Sandy shared the interpretation which was given to her immediately.
“I have redeemed your heart from destruction…. All those things you have kept hidden in your closet.”
Two scripture references were included.
“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my [firm and impenetrable] Rock and my Redeemer.” (Psalm 19:14)
“Bless (affectionately, gratefully praise) the Lord, O my soul, and forget not [one of] His benefits—Who forgives [every one of] all your iniquities, Who heals [each one of] all your diseases. Who redeems your life from the pit and corruption, Who beautifies, dignifies, and crowns you with loving-kindness and tender mercy; Who satisfies your mouth [your necessity and desire at your personal age and situation] with good so that your youth, renewed, is like the eagle’s [strong, overcoming, soaring].” (Psalm 103:2-5)
He came to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty and freedom to the captive in their hearts, to release us from the darkness in the chambers of our own hearts. He wants to comfort our hearts where there is pain and bestow upon our very hearts a crown of beauty in the place where there have been only ashes.
God sent Jesus, our Redeemer, in the fullness and power of the Holy Spirit to bring our hearts under the freeing authority of God’s word. We will only find freedom to the degree our hearts accept, rely and respond to the truth of His word. Being free has everything to do with our hearts. He came to redeem our hearts from destruction.
Our prison doors are locked from the inside and we hold the key to being set free from captivity. We have built walls around our hearts and placed a “No trespassing sign” at the gate of those chambers where our dark pain and sorrow reside. We have become skilled at compartmentalizing our pain and covering our brokenness. I would like to suggest that those of us who are Christians have become even more adept at hiding our wounds and brokenness. We speak well of Jesus in our daily conversation and even share with others the amazing things He has done in our lives, and yet there in the chambers of our heart lurks a dark secret sin we have set up on the highest shelf in our closet. In other chambers reside the lies we have believed about ourselves and the condemnation and victim mentality which has served as our life blood. We need a transfusion.
Silver in the Bible represents ‘redemption’ which makes the word picture of the silver plated heart more meaningful. No matter how deeply we have buried those things in our hearts, He is always working to redeem us from the enemy’s plan of destruction. Remember the silver exchanged for Joseph’s life and how Judas betrayed Jesus with a bag of silver. A silver plated heart is a picture of how He has protected your heart from the destruction of the enemy.
Looking back to Psalm 103, it is Jesus who came to forgive ALL our iniquities and heal ALL our diseases. He came to redeem our very hearts from the pit and corruption. We have to unlock the doors from within and allow His blood which He shed to redeem us, to flow from chamber to chamber, bringing new life to those areas we feel we have safely hidden away from Him.
Imagine a terribly cluttered closet, filled with things you have intended to get rid of for years. Some you have kept for sentimental reasons, some out of fear of lack in the future, others simply because you don’t want anyone to see them if they accidentally fall onto the curb as the trash truck dumps your garbage. Sometimes we simply rearrange the clutter and make excuses for why we need to keep that for just a little while longer. We place the things we need the most on an easily accessible shelf and those things we rarely need on the highest shelf. Some of us organize our closet so perfectly, we believe no one would ever know the towel on the bottom is the one with the hole and ragged and frayed edges. Or, we shove everything unsightly into the closet when company is coming, hoping to hide the clutter in our lives.
I challenge you to join me in allowing the Great Physician to have a look into the chambers of your heart. Allow Him to search out your mind and heart as it speaks about in Jeremiah. He wants to make our hearts His home.
Imagine Jesus trying to live in your most cluttered closet. If He came to your home today, would you give Him a place of honor or simply squeeze Him into your most cluttered closet, hoping He would survive.
Last year, I spent 28 weeks in a support group for women who wanted to find redemption in their hearts. One of the assignments was to describe our heart as a garden. Whether a garden, a closet or another metaphor, journaling about your heart may help you invite Him to redeem areas of your heart where the enemy has ruled and reigned.
Here are some questions I hope you will ponder with me…
What do you have hidden away on the highest shelf of your heart? A secret sin, the fear of failure, rejection or abandonment?
What holds the highest priority in your heart and resides on the shelf that is most accessible? A victim mentality, judgment and a critical spirit, lies that protect you from confronting the truth, or a lifestyle of fear?
Where have you been deceived by your own heart?
On which chamber of your heart have you posted a “No Trespassing Sign”?
How and when did you become deceived?
Why is it difficult for to trust His Word that says He came to redeem “our heart?”
What does redemption of your heart look like for you?
“The heart is deceitful above all things, and it is exceedingly perverse and corrupt and severely, mortally sick! Who can know it [perceive, understand, be acquainted with his own heart and mind? I the Lord search the mind; I try the heart, even to give to every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his doings.” (Jeremiah17:9-10)
It has been obvious the last several days that God is speaking to me about my heart. It has come to me through several sources, confirming to me this is something He wants me to understand. As I studied the scriptures in my Breaking Free workbook (Beth Moore study), I was drawn to a several ideas she included in the first week’s lesson.
First, there was the bullet point that said ‘Christ’s ministry is a ministry of the heart’. Following the teaching about Luke 4 and the words “the people spoke well of Jesus and were amazed at his works”, was the following statement.
“I am touched again by the realization that speaking well of Christ, and even being amazed by His works or words, does not equal belief.” This reminded me of the discussion we had in our connect group yesterday about the passage in Proverbs 6: 16-19 about the seven sins God hates. We all came to the conclusion these sins had to do with the ‘heart’. Not fully understanding this passage, I asked God to speak more to me about this in the days to come. He is so faithful when we ask Him to reveal things in His Word.
This morning, I woke up to find an email from a dear friend who mails out prophetic word pictures that He has given her to those on her mailing list. These word-pictures often line up with what God is speaking to me. Today was no different.
“A closet door with a high shelf on which sat a silver-plated heart complete with valves, aorta, etc…”
My friend Sandy shared the interpretation which was given to her immediately.
“I have redeemed your heart from destruction…. All those things you have kept hidden in your closet.”
Two scripture references were included.
“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my [firm and impenetrable] Rock and my Redeemer.” (Psalm 19:14)
“Bless (affectionately, gratefully praise) the Lord, O my soul, and forget not [one of] His benefits—Who forgives [every one of] all your iniquities, Who heals [each one of] all your diseases. Who redeems your life from the pit and corruption, Who beautifies, dignifies, and crowns you with loving-kindness and tender mercy; Who satisfies your mouth [your necessity and desire at your personal age and situation] with good so that your youth, renewed, is like the eagle’s [strong, overcoming, soaring].” (Psalm 103:2-5)
He came to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty and freedom to the captive in their hearts, to release us from the darkness in the chambers of our own hearts. He wants to comfort our hearts where there is pain and bestow upon our very hearts a crown of beauty in the place where there have been only ashes.
God sent Jesus, our Redeemer, in the fullness and power of the Holy Spirit to bring our hearts under the freeing authority of God’s word. We will only find freedom to the degree our hearts accept, rely and respond to the truth of His word. Being free has everything to do with our hearts. He came to redeem our hearts from destruction.
Our prison doors are locked from the inside and we hold the key to being set free from captivity. We have built walls around our hearts and placed a “No trespassing sign” at the gate of those chambers where our dark pain and sorrow reside. We have become skilled at compartmentalizing our pain and covering our brokenness. I would like to suggest that those of us who are Christians have become even more adept at hiding our wounds and brokenness. We speak well of Jesus in our daily conversation and even share with others the amazing things He has done in our lives, and yet there in the chambers of our heart lurks a dark secret sin we have set up on the highest shelf in our closet. In other chambers reside the lies we have believed about ourselves and the condemnation and victim mentality which has served as our life blood. We need a transfusion.
Silver in the Bible represents ‘redemption’ which makes the word picture of the silver plated heart more meaningful. No matter how deeply we have buried those things in our hearts, He is always working to redeem us from the enemy’s plan of destruction. Remember the silver exchanged for Joseph’s life and how Judas betrayed Jesus with a bag of silver. A silver plated heart is a picture of how He has protected your heart from the destruction of the enemy.
Looking back to Psalm 103, it is Jesus who came to forgive ALL our iniquities and heal ALL our diseases. He came to redeem our very hearts from the pit and corruption. We have to unlock the doors from within and allow His blood which He shed to redeem us, to flow from chamber to chamber, bringing new life to those areas we feel we have safely hidden away from Him.
Imagine a terribly cluttered closet, filled with things you have intended to get rid of for years. Some you have kept for sentimental reasons, some out of fear of lack in the future, others simply because you don’t want anyone to see them if they accidentally fall onto the curb as the trash truck dumps your garbage. Sometimes we simply rearrange the clutter and make excuses for why we need to keep that for just a little while longer. We place the things we need the most on an easily accessible shelf and those things we rarely need on the highest shelf. Some of us organize our closet so perfectly, we believe no one would ever know the towel on the bottom is the one with the hole and ragged and frayed edges. Or, we shove everything unsightly into the closet when company is coming, hoping to hide the clutter in our lives.
I challenge you to join me in allowing the Great Physician to have a look into the chambers of your heart. Allow Him to search out your mind and heart as it speaks about in Jeremiah. He wants to make our hearts His home.
Imagine Jesus trying to live in your most cluttered closet. If He came to your home today, would you give Him a place of honor or simply squeeze Him into your most cluttered closet, hoping He would survive.
Last year, I spent 28 weeks in a support group for women who wanted to find redemption in their hearts. One of the assignments was to describe our heart as a garden. Whether a garden, a closet or another metaphor, journaling about your heart may help you invite Him to redeem areas of your heart where the enemy has ruled and reigned.
Here are some questions I hope you will ponder with me…
What do you have hidden away on the highest shelf of your heart? A secret sin, the fear of failure, rejection or abandonment?
What holds the highest priority in your heart and resides on the shelf that is most accessible? A victim mentality, judgment and a critical spirit, lies that protect you from confronting the truth, or a lifestyle of fear?
Where have you been deceived by your own heart?
On which chamber of your heart have you posted a “No Trespassing Sign”?
How and when did you become deceived?
Why is it difficult for to trust His Word that says He came to redeem “our heart?”
What does redemption of your heart look like for you?
Friday, June 19, 2009
Soul Ties
For a couple of weeks now, I have been thinking about the subject of "soul ties." A friend suggested I may need to break 'soul ties' with my husband Roger and recommended a book titled Breaking Unhealthy Soul Ties by Bill and Sue Banks. I looked the book up on Amazon and decided not to purchase it at this time since my budget won't allow for that purchase right now. Instead, I pulled out a very good book I've already read about this subject. I am going to use some quotes from this book and give you a short synopsis of what I feel God showed me today about unhealthy soul ties between husband and wife. These kinds of ties can be established in any relationship but for your sakes I will stick to the things I felt God showed me concerning marital soul ties.
The book I am speaking of is by Liberty Savard entitled Breaking the Power. I had read her book Shattering Strongholds when I found this second book she authored was on sale and purchased it also. The part of this book I have been most interested in has been the chapters on wrong agreements or 'soul ties.'
When God created man, He breathed life (or spirit) into His body. The spirit and soul of a man are completely different entities. Our spirit belongs to God and our soul belongs to man. Our spirits are God-conscious and our soul is self-conscious. So then being a spirit, having a soul (mind, will and emotions) and living in a physical body, we must realize that it is through our soul that there is the connection or the control tower between the natural world of our body and the spiritual world or the supernatural. When our soul (mind, will and emotions) is unsurrendered to God, it chooses which world we will most identify with.
Recognizing this great gift God has given us in our soul and all the ability in our souls to organize, implement, plan, and manage the things God put man in charge of in the earth, Satan has always initiated his works through our unsurrendered souls.
"Sin is the natural outcome of any "dialogue" between the unsurrendered soul and the devil." (p 148)
In the fall, Adam's spirit suffered separation from God and the power in his soul to have the dominion God had given him was also surrendered. We can see the misuse of this power in the paranormal today such as psychic, divination and mental telepathy. When this soul power is surrendered to God we are able to do the supernatural works of God that He created us to do in the earth.
Our unsurrendered souls can be deceived by something that "seems right to our souls." Only by knowing how to separate between the soul and the spirit can we discern the truth. In Hebrews 4 it says of the Word of God, "it is sharper than any two edged sword , penetrating to the dividing line of the breath of life [soul] and [the immortal] spirit..." It is in our reading, hearing and receiving by the Holy Spirit the Word that will bring truth and not deception that any soul power will be revealed to us.
There are even those in the body of Christ who are aware of the soul power that is to be had when others come into wrong agreement with them. We, as God's people are called to be of one spirit, with husbands and wives also being one in the flesh. "No one is called to be one in soul. There is no such thing as a good soul-tie." (p. 155
Soul ties are the product of a wrong agreement between individuals. Wrong agreements usually appear to hold a promise of a benefit for those involved. Even if one person feels forced or threatened into entering this agreement so that something else can be avoided (embarassment, loss of status, etc... )may seem to be the 'benefit' of this kind of soul tie. Acceptance and approval may be seemingly positive benefits of establishing a soul tie.
Think of women who have lived in abusive relationships and been unable to remove themselves from dangerous situtations. They say they want to come out of it and may even try to do so, but there is something powerful that compels them to return to the situation repeatedly. The soul of the abusive man being dominant and exercising control through an unhealthy soul tie exerts such influence she is unable to extricate herself from the abuse.
These same women are capable of having extremely strong soulish manipulation through a non-physical means such as emotional and mental coercion.These codependent types of behaviors are an attempt to get her unmet needs met. Both persons are seeking something from the relationship in an unhealthy and self-destructive way.
"Love based in spiritual unity continues to see the gift in the other person when the gift wrapping begins to fray and wrinkle. The soul and the body express marital love, too, but the spiritual union between husband and wife is the only thing that can be counted on never to change." (p.170)
"Soul ties cause a man and woman to look to each other for assurance, healing, support, sustenance, answers, and guidance before going to God. It is an issue of an unfulfilled soul in a man or woman that prompts the words, 'I don't love you anymore.' Or 'I can't stand you anymore, and I want you out of my life.' These words come from an unsurrendered soul's bitterness and resentment that its expectations and needs have not been fulfilled and met." (p. 171_
In our spirit man, all our needs are met in Jesus Christ. The entire word of God is the story of how He came to be all and to fill all with His fullness. It is in our unsurrendered souls where we have strongholds and unmet needs and unfulfilled expectations. Soul ties must be broken in those areas in order that we might be able to shatter those strongholds and "receive" the fullness of Christ's love and all He has for each of us.
I spent some time today praying the prayer for the breaking of soul ties in my relationship with Roger. I hope this summary of all I read in Liberty's book will spur you on to think of how 'soul ties' may be operating in your relationship with your husband (or others). I pray God will show each of us the unsurrendered emotions of anger, bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness and the fears that torment us in our minds and thoughts daily. As we begin to surrender these illusions of control and bind ourselves to His truth and His word, may we all come to the fullness of Christ and exercise the dominion and power He created for us to have in the earth today.
If you are interested in the writings of Liberty Savard, she has a web site. Simply Google her name and you will find it. You will find her site to be very helpful.
The book I am speaking of is by Liberty Savard entitled Breaking the Power. I had read her book Shattering Strongholds when I found this second book she authored was on sale and purchased it also. The part of this book I have been most interested in has been the chapters on wrong agreements or 'soul ties.'
When God created man, He breathed life (or spirit) into His body. The spirit and soul of a man are completely different entities. Our spirit belongs to God and our soul belongs to man. Our spirits are God-conscious and our soul is self-conscious. So then being a spirit, having a soul (mind, will and emotions) and living in a physical body, we must realize that it is through our soul that there is the connection or the control tower between the natural world of our body and the spiritual world or the supernatural. When our soul (mind, will and emotions) is unsurrendered to God, it chooses which world we will most identify with.
Recognizing this great gift God has given us in our soul and all the ability in our souls to organize, implement, plan, and manage the things God put man in charge of in the earth, Satan has always initiated his works through our unsurrendered souls.
"Sin is the natural outcome of any "dialogue" between the unsurrendered soul and the devil." (p 148)
In the fall, Adam's spirit suffered separation from God and the power in his soul to have the dominion God had given him was also surrendered. We can see the misuse of this power in the paranormal today such as psychic, divination and mental telepathy. When this soul power is surrendered to God we are able to do the supernatural works of God that He created us to do in the earth.
Our unsurrendered souls can be deceived by something that "seems right to our souls." Only by knowing how to separate between the soul and the spirit can we discern the truth. In Hebrews 4 it says of the Word of God, "it is sharper than any two edged sword , penetrating to the dividing line of the breath of life [soul] and [the immortal] spirit..." It is in our reading, hearing and receiving by the Holy Spirit the Word that will bring truth and not deception that any soul power will be revealed to us.
There are even those in the body of Christ who are aware of the soul power that is to be had when others come into wrong agreement with them. We, as God's people are called to be of one spirit, with husbands and wives also being one in the flesh. "No one is called to be one in soul. There is no such thing as a good soul-tie." (p. 155
Soul ties are the product of a wrong agreement between individuals. Wrong agreements usually appear to hold a promise of a benefit for those involved. Even if one person feels forced or threatened into entering this agreement so that something else can be avoided (embarassment, loss of status, etc... )may seem to be the 'benefit' of this kind of soul tie. Acceptance and approval may be seemingly positive benefits of establishing a soul tie.
Think of women who have lived in abusive relationships and been unable to remove themselves from dangerous situtations. They say they want to come out of it and may even try to do so, but there is something powerful that compels them to return to the situation repeatedly. The soul of the abusive man being dominant and exercising control through an unhealthy soul tie exerts such influence she is unable to extricate herself from the abuse.
These same women are capable of having extremely strong soulish manipulation through a non-physical means such as emotional and mental coercion.These codependent types of behaviors are an attempt to get her unmet needs met. Both persons are seeking something from the relationship in an unhealthy and self-destructive way.
"Love based in spiritual unity continues to see the gift in the other person when the gift wrapping begins to fray and wrinkle. The soul and the body express marital love, too, but the spiritual union between husband and wife is the only thing that can be counted on never to change." (p.170)
"Soul ties cause a man and woman to look to each other for assurance, healing, support, sustenance, answers, and guidance before going to God. It is an issue of an unfulfilled soul in a man or woman that prompts the words, 'I don't love you anymore.' Or 'I can't stand you anymore, and I want you out of my life.' These words come from an unsurrendered soul's bitterness and resentment that its expectations and needs have not been fulfilled and met." (p. 171_
In our spirit man, all our needs are met in Jesus Christ. The entire word of God is the story of how He came to be all and to fill all with His fullness. It is in our unsurrendered souls where we have strongholds and unmet needs and unfulfilled expectations. Soul ties must be broken in those areas in order that we might be able to shatter those strongholds and "receive" the fullness of Christ's love and all He has for each of us.
I spent some time today praying the prayer for the breaking of soul ties in my relationship with Roger. I hope this summary of all I read in Liberty's book will spur you on to think of how 'soul ties' may be operating in your relationship with your husband (or others). I pray God will show each of us the unsurrendered emotions of anger, bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness and the fears that torment us in our minds and thoughts daily. As we begin to surrender these illusions of control and bind ourselves to His truth and His word, may we all come to the fullness of Christ and exercise the dominion and power He created for us to have in the earth today.
If you are interested in the writings of Liberty Savard, she has a web site. Simply Google her name and you will find it. You will find her site to be very helpful.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Being Real
I love to write and often spend time writing in a journal. I especially like to record things that God speaks to my heart when I spend time with Him in prayer or reading His Word.
About a year ago, I asked the Lord one day,"What are you saying to me right now?" I heard very clearly the following things as I waited in His presence.
1)Become consistent
2)Be real and authentic
3)Let me heal you from the inside-out
4)Come to the cross where my love poured out for you
I felt the Lord was asking me to "lay it all down" and let Him heal me as I consistently came before Him to find that inside-out kind of healing. As you well know, we often have good intentions and plan to follow God's directives, but life happens and we find ourselves wondering what happened to those lofty plans to follow God's voice.
I was involved in a support group at the time at the Barnabas Center where 8 women met weekly to "be real" and to encourage and support each other as we dealt with the pain of betrayal. Each of our spouses was involved in some way with pornography. Circumstances and situations were different but the pain was the same.
One night we discussed journaling as a way of dealing with our emotions and the discussion turned to "being real" in our journal writing. Were we really supposed to share the dark thoughts and feelings we have as a result of the painful betrayal we had experienced. What if our children or grandchildren somehow managed to see the words we had written? What if we died and the sordid details of our lives were found and open for all to see?
I determined that night I would buy a journal in which I would record my real and authentic thoughts, emotions and experiences. Before I sound like I am beating up on myself, let me say I have improved in my level of authenticity. However, today I questioned myself once again about how real I really am with those around me.
Since September I have been working on a book about my life. I have written nearly 100 pages and have made an attempt to be as transparent as possible in conveying the real pain of my life and how God has met me in the midst of it.
I still find myself wanting to hide behind the mask I have worn for so many years, I am afraid my real face might be frightening if I were to rip it off all at once. I guess that is why God gives us the grace to heal one step at a time.
Well, here goes for a new level of transparency. I pray that the revelation of my pain will in some way touch your heart. Perhaps the emotions I feel right now will be something you can identify with today. Maybe you have been so numb you cant put words to what you are feeling. This sacrifice is for my own healing and for yours. Open your heart and allow God to move into that place these words touch today.
Four days ago my husband once again walked away from me in anger and hasnt made contact since. My heart although much stronger than it was the first time he walked out on me, feels much the same. It feels like someone put it on a roller coaster and let it rip up and down those peaks and valleys, and I can almost hear my heart screaming with the pain. Then once I get off the roller coaster, I find my heart is on the tilt a whirl, dizzy with all the thoughts of what if....what happened... what next...Have you ever ridden the carousel and felt the world is all as it should be only to find yourself riding in the Bullet where you are turned upside down, inside out and every which way but loose?
The truth is I feel nauseous,confused,lost and yet relieved, hopeful and even excited. Its really enough to make one question their sanity. Sometimes I feel as if my life might actually be sweeter like that pink,puffy mound of cotton candy and then
POOF! that feeling of hope seems to melt just like the cotton candy on my tongue. I feel like I am on overload just like I felt as a child walking through the fairgrounds as a child. Too much to see, too much to think about, too much to process. What is the solution for getting through this maze of emotions and sometimes the lack therof?
It seems I must go back to my instructions. If I can be real, authentic and come consistently before my Father, He will heal me from the inside out. I thought about this today. What good does it do for me to pretend I dont have really hateful feelings towards my husband right now? My Father already knows and His word says He is touched by my grief and sorrow.
So girls, here is REAL
I am sick of being treated like I live in a house with a revolving door (anger)
I want to throw away every thing in this house that reminds me of him (vengeful)
I wish I'd never met him (regretful)
I dont want others to know he has left me again (angry and full of shame)
I want to call him and beg him to come back (fearful)
I want to erase this post (fear of others disapproval in being real)
I really dont have a perfect ending to this post. I usually work really hard to end anything I write with a perfect ending. The problem is, this post is real and there is NO PERFECT ENDING.
I will be curious to see your reactions to this post.
About a year ago, I asked the Lord one day,"What are you saying to me right now?" I heard very clearly the following things as I waited in His presence.
1)Become consistent
2)Be real and authentic
3)Let me heal you from the inside-out
4)Come to the cross where my love poured out for you
I felt the Lord was asking me to "lay it all down" and let Him heal me as I consistently came before Him to find that inside-out kind of healing. As you well know, we often have good intentions and plan to follow God's directives, but life happens and we find ourselves wondering what happened to those lofty plans to follow God's voice.
I was involved in a support group at the time at the Barnabas Center where 8 women met weekly to "be real" and to encourage and support each other as we dealt with the pain of betrayal. Each of our spouses was involved in some way with pornography. Circumstances and situations were different but the pain was the same.
One night we discussed journaling as a way of dealing with our emotions and the discussion turned to "being real" in our journal writing. Were we really supposed to share the dark thoughts and feelings we have as a result of the painful betrayal we had experienced. What if our children or grandchildren somehow managed to see the words we had written? What if we died and the sordid details of our lives were found and open for all to see?
I determined that night I would buy a journal in which I would record my real and authentic thoughts, emotions and experiences. Before I sound like I am beating up on myself, let me say I have improved in my level of authenticity. However, today I questioned myself once again about how real I really am with those around me.
Since September I have been working on a book about my life. I have written nearly 100 pages and have made an attempt to be as transparent as possible in conveying the real pain of my life and how God has met me in the midst of it.
I still find myself wanting to hide behind the mask I have worn for so many years, I am afraid my real face might be frightening if I were to rip it off all at once. I guess that is why God gives us the grace to heal one step at a time.
Well, here goes for a new level of transparency. I pray that the revelation of my pain will in some way touch your heart. Perhaps the emotions I feel right now will be something you can identify with today. Maybe you have been so numb you cant put words to what you are feeling. This sacrifice is for my own healing and for yours. Open your heart and allow God to move into that place these words touch today.
Four days ago my husband once again walked away from me in anger and hasnt made contact since. My heart although much stronger than it was the first time he walked out on me, feels much the same. It feels like someone put it on a roller coaster and let it rip up and down those peaks and valleys, and I can almost hear my heart screaming with the pain. Then once I get off the roller coaster, I find my heart is on the tilt a whirl, dizzy with all the thoughts of what if....what happened... what next...Have you ever ridden the carousel and felt the world is all as it should be only to find yourself riding in the Bullet where you are turned upside down, inside out and every which way but loose?
The truth is I feel nauseous,confused,lost and yet relieved, hopeful and even excited. Its really enough to make one question their sanity. Sometimes I feel as if my life might actually be sweeter like that pink,puffy mound of cotton candy and then
POOF! that feeling of hope seems to melt just like the cotton candy on my tongue. I feel like I am on overload just like I felt as a child walking through the fairgrounds as a child. Too much to see, too much to think about, too much to process. What is the solution for getting through this maze of emotions and sometimes the lack therof?
It seems I must go back to my instructions. If I can be real, authentic and come consistently before my Father, He will heal me from the inside out. I thought about this today. What good does it do for me to pretend I dont have really hateful feelings towards my husband right now? My Father already knows and His word says He is touched by my grief and sorrow.
So girls, here is REAL
I am sick of being treated like I live in a house with a revolving door (anger)
I want to throw away every thing in this house that reminds me of him (vengeful)
I wish I'd never met him (regretful)
I dont want others to know he has left me again (angry and full of shame)
I want to call him and beg him to come back (fearful)
I want to erase this post (fear of others disapproval in being real)
I really dont have a perfect ending to this post. I usually work really hard to end anything I write with a perfect ending. The problem is, this post is real and there is NO PERFECT ENDING.
I will be curious to see your reactions to this post.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Waiting to Dance
I have attempted to write this blog three times. This is the fourth and last attempt. Perhaps it is a subject so important the enemy is fighting me every step of the way. I now have a time constraint since I am picking up my beautiful little princess in less than an hour. So disregard the spelling and grammatical errors and hear my heart this morning.
Yesterday, I received an email from a friend and sister in Christ that rocked my world for a few hours. There was an assault on my character and I was challenged to examine the motives of my heart. After reading this email,I recognized the anger and the pain I felt upon reading these words from a fellow believer. It is not necessary for me to share details of the circumstances or events that led to this message. It is necessary that I address the wounds that were triggered and seek God as to how to handle this situation which has arisen.
I almost decided to miss the mid-week prayer service at church last night but felt it might be the place I would find some peace in dealing with this new development in my life. I was not disappointed. As it says in Psalm 119:130 "His Word gives entrance to light and understanding to the simple." I was in need of a Word from Him that would bring me to a place of rest and trust in Him.
We have been practiving Lectio Divina,which involves meditating on one verse of scripture and finding where this scripture touches our lives at the present time. How convenient for my most recent distressful circumstance. The scripture chosen was Psalm 20:7-8 which speaks of trusting in the name of the Lord. The final question asked was "What do you believe God wants you to do as a result of hearing this Word?"
My response was "Eyes on Him, not on other people or circumstances" This morning I wanted to get my focus in the right place so I decided to take the suggestion of scripture and "Be still and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10) After getting my coffee and sitting quietly before Him for about 20 minutes, my eyes fell on a book I had tried to read earlier but just couldnt find any interest in at the time. The title, Hippo in the Garden, had intrigued me when I bought it. I just kept feeling compelled to pick it up and read. What was the subject of the first chapters? It shouldnt have been a surprise to me but as I read, I felt the tears streaming down my face. The subject was "How to Hear God's Voice."
It wasnt too many pages into the book until the author began to tell of a situation that arose between he and another believer and shared a scripture that gave entrance of light into my heart. Genesis 13:8 "So Abram said to Lot, Let there be no strife, I beg of you, between you and me... for we are brethren." Again, the tears came as I realized the plan of the enemy to introduce strife not only into my relationship with this sister but into a specific ministry and into our church.
As I continued reading, the author compared the members of the body of Christ to individual puzzle pieces that fit together to make up a beautiful picture of the love of Christ. A picture immediately came into my mind. The picture I had taken at my granddaughter's dance recital on Saturday. She and her favorite friend at dance school were working a puzzle together while waiting on their time to dance for us. Two little princesses, heads together, intent on their task of making a beautiful picture. As you look at this picture which I have shared along with these thoughts, will you join me in asking God to show you how we as women are called to edify, build up and join together to portray the love of Christ. In childlike faith will you join me in asking Him how to respond to another in the body of Christ when offense comes? We are called His daughters, royalty, princesses, waiting to dance before Him around His very throne one day.
I havent yet found the entire answer of how he wants me to respond to this precious sister, but I have found my way to His feet and to the One who has the answer. I believe if I continue to meditate on this picture of two beautiful princesses preparing to dance, He will be faithful to pull the pieces of the puzzle together for me and I will soon have entire picture and know how to respond in love. He seems to be saying to me, "I hope you dance... with ME, let me lead... I will make all things beautiful in time."
I want His heart to feel like 'bursting with pride' when I meet Him face to face, the same way my heart burst with pride when my special little princess finally danced for us on the stage. Take the lead, Lord Jesus.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Boundaries
April 27, 2009
The last three weeks have gone by quickly and I have not been diligent in the writing of my story. What I feel happening is a “slipping back into old patterns”. As the days and then weeks have passed, the thing that comes to mind is my struggle to maintain healthy boundaries for myself. I have tried to remain faithful to my bible study time and my time with the grandchildren. I have not been slack in my church attendance nor have I really missed opportunities to minister to others. I have however, neglected being involved in Wednesday night prayer ministry and the time I had devoted to prayer and the writing of my book. Every afternoon as it gets time for Roger to finish up his work, I have felt that need to be at home and have something prepared for him to eat. Having been single for the last 14 months and not having this responsibility has changed the way I look at my days. I have allowed myself to put more priority on the end of the day and how I will minister to my husband than how I will minister to my First Love and the priorities He might have for my day.
Very gradually I have fallen into a pattern of a wife caring for her husband, even though we are still living separately. When we were discussing my attitude about something one night, Roger said “I wish you had things you enjoyed doing and were interested in yourself.” That statement clued me in on the pattern that was developing and the absence of my boundaries. I am also reminded of the panicky feeling of forgetting my cell phone when going to church yesterday and wondering what would happen if Roger called me while I had no way of answering. That sense of fear returned, a fear of his anger and rejection. I have also been paying attention to the feelings I have of not having control over certain areas of our relationship. It seems that slowly we have fallen into a pattern of his coming over, even showering before having dinner.
When he made this statement about my lack of interests, I was angry inside and felt resentment that he has interests and takes the time to pursue them. I however, have fallen into that old trap of believing my interests take a back seat to his interests. I made a conscious effort to amend this for a couple of days, even having the grandchildren over for a sleepover and not seeing him for a couple of days. I have discovered however, it may take more than a couple of days of amending my schedule to break this old pattern of unhealthy boundaries in my life.
I want to give myself credit for recognizing the real emotions involved in this stronghold. Also, I need to see the growth in my recognizing the stronghold itself and the need for breaking through these old habits and patterns of relating. My reply to Roger was that I have been behaving as a wife in the past several weeks, putting him first,as a wife would normally do in a relationship with her husband. Since we are not living as husband and wife this creates a real dilemma for me in creating healthy boundaries for myself at this time. More than an issue about whether to cook or not to cook, this is an issue of what I want to allow in our relationship as we talk about going forward. Every boundary I allow to be crossed at this point in our relationship, will set up an expectation, a pattern or way of doing something that would be unhealthy for our relationship. I must be fully convinced in my own mind what I am willing to tolerate in my relationship or my boundaries will be violated repeatedly and possibly to a greater degree in the future as I fail to uphold the standards I wish to have when we reconcile.
In the book, Lifesaving Principles for Women, I read some of the reasons it is important to have boundaries. Without boundaries, there is little control over one’s own life. It takes a lot of strength, perseverance and self-respect to maintain boundaries that are constantly being assaulted or tested. In unhealthy relationships, the boundary lines have been so blurred that maintaining a healthy boundary will be a challenge and will require great vigilance.
In continuing to read about this subject in this book, I found some of the reasons I may struggle with setting boundaries in this relationship. Knowing that setting boundaries will be one of the most effective ways I can change my relationship with my husband, I want to get to the root cause of unhealthy boundaries in my life. At the top of the list of reasons I might have difficulty setting boundaries would be my desire to “keep the peace.” I also don’t trust my own thoughts, feelings and perceptions of what is happening in my relationship. Fearing his reaction and the abandonment I have experienced before in this relationship is another key reason along with the fear of actually following through with consequences.
Some of the boundaries I must consider at this time are:
What I am willing to do
What I am willing to accept and tolerate
What I find offensive
What I will watch and listen to
Where I will go
What type of treatment I consider respectful
What is sin for me (the gray areas outside of God’s specific commands)
What I believe and value
What are my needs and priorities
I choose to add this one to the list from the book:
What are my interests and the things God is calling me to
As I contemplate this list, I realize I already have some things I must undo or attach consequences to in having more healthy boundaries.
I want to encourage others to respect me and have self respect as well. I want to live true to my convictions and accomplish all that God is calling me to do.
The two questions I must answer right now in dealing with the issues at hand are:
Where does my responsibility begin and end? And where does his responsibility start and end? In living separate and apart, this is a very difficult question. Since he agreed to cut the grass for me, do I accept this as his responsibility and then find myself angry and resentful when he doesn’t follow through because of his schedule? Or should I accept this as my responsibility since I am the only one living in this house at the present time.
Is it my responsibility to prepare his meals for him and what is my motive in doing so? If it is only to keep the peace then I need to rethink this as part of my responsibility.
In this book, she recommends that one be clear about the conditions needing to be changed. A clear list of changes is recommended so that each person has a clear goal to work towards in reconciling. It also helps each person to know if the criteria have been met so they will not reunite prematurely before real change has occurred. Separation has some negative aspects. It is financially expensive and brings a freedom to each individual which may make it more difficult for the individuals to come back together.
This quote from the book really speaks to the place where many women are struggling in an unhealthy or difficult marriage.
“The decision to leave your marriage can be more difficult than staying in it. Only you can make the final determination that your marriage is so damaging and toxic you must end it to save yourself and your children.” I would like to add that entering back into the relationship after separation can also be very difficult. The same determination must be made as to whether the relationship or marriage continues to be toxic or damaging or whether more healthy patterns are being established.
Eccelesiastes 3:1-8 expresses the balance between the need to tolerate and the need to set boundaries. One thing I have need of today is a time of soul searching to find the answers to the questions stated earlier. Number one on that list is the one I added for my personal inventory about boundaries. “What is God calling me to do and how does He want me to invest in the relationships that are a part of my life at the present time?” There is indeed a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven. What time is it for me? What time is it for you?
The last three weeks have gone by quickly and I have not been diligent in the writing of my story. What I feel happening is a “slipping back into old patterns”. As the days and then weeks have passed, the thing that comes to mind is my struggle to maintain healthy boundaries for myself. I have tried to remain faithful to my bible study time and my time with the grandchildren. I have not been slack in my church attendance nor have I really missed opportunities to minister to others. I have however, neglected being involved in Wednesday night prayer ministry and the time I had devoted to prayer and the writing of my book. Every afternoon as it gets time for Roger to finish up his work, I have felt that need to be at home and have something prepared for him to eat. Having been single for the last 14 months and not having this responsibility has changed the way I look at my days. I have allowed myself to put more priority on the end of the day and how I will minister to my husband than how I will minister to my First Love and the priorities He might have for my day.
Very gradually I have fallen into a pattern of a wife caring for her husband, even though we are still living separately. When we were discussing my attitude about something one night, Roger said “I wish you had things you enjoyed doing and were interested in yourself.” That statement clued me in on the pattern that was developing and the absence of my boundaries. I am also reminded of the panicky feeling of forgetting my cell phone when going to church yesterday and wondering what would happen if Roger called me while I had no way of answering. That sense of fear returned, a fear of his anger and rejection. I have also been paying attention to the feelings I have of not having control over certain areas of our relationship. It seems that slowly we have fallen into a pattern of his coming over, even showering before having dinner.
When he made this statement about my lack of interests, I was angry inside and felt resentment that he has interests and takes the time to pursue them. I however, have fallen into that old trap of believing my interests take a back seat to his interests. I made a conscious effort to amend this for a couple of days, even having the grandchildren over for a sleepover and not seeing him for a couple of days. I have discovered however, it may take more than a couple of days of amending my schedule to break this old pattern of unhealthy boundaries in my life.
I want to give myself credit for recognizing the real emotions involved in this stronghold. Also, I need to see the growth in my recognizing the stronghold itself and the need for breaking through these old habits and patterns of relating. My reply to Roger was that I have been behaving as a wife in the past several weeks, putting him first,as a wife would normally do in a relationship with her husband. Since we are not living as husband and wife this creates a real dilemma for me in creating healthy boundaries for myself at this time. More than an issue about whether to cook or not to cook, this is an issue of what I want to allow in our relationship as we talk about going forward. Every boundary I allow to be crossed at this point in our relationship, will set up an expectation, a pattern or way of doing something that would be unhealthy for our relationship. I must be fully convinced in my own mind what I am willing to tolerate in my relationship or my boundaries will be violated repeatedly and possibly to a greater degree in the future as I fail to uphold the standards I wish to have when we reconcile.
In the book, Lifesaving Principles for Women, I read some of the reasons it is important to have boundaries. Without boundaries, there is little control over one’s own life. It takes a lot of strength, perseverance and self-respect to maintain boundaries that are constantly being assaulted or tested. In unhealthy relationships, the boundary lines have been so blurred that maintaining a healthy boundary will be a challenge and will require great vigilance.
In continuing to read about this subject in this book, I found some of the reasons I may struggle with setting boundaries in this relationship. Knowing that setting boundaries will be one of the most effective ways I can change my relationship with my husband, I want to get to the root cause of unhealthy boundaries in my life. At the top of the list of reasons I might have difficulty setting boundaries would be my desire to “keep the peace.” I also don’t trust my own thoughts, feelings and perceptions of what is happening in my relationship. Fearing his reaction and the abandonment I have experienced before in this relationship is another key reason along with the fear of actually following through with consequences.
Some of the boundaries I must consider at this time are:
What I am willing to do
What I am willing to accept and tolerate
What I find offensive
What I will watch and listen to
Where I will go
What type of treatment I consider respectful
What is sin for me (the gray areas outside of God’s specific commands)
What I believe and value
What are my needs and priorities
I choose to add this one to the list from the book:
What are my interests and the things God is calling me to
As I contemplate this list, I realize I already have some things I must undo or attach consequences to in having more healthy boundaries.
I want to encourage others to respect me and have self respect as well. I want to live true to my convictions and accomplish all that God is calling me to do.
The two questions I must answer right now in dealing with the issues at hand are:
Where does my responsibility begin and end? And where does his responsibility start and end? In living separate and apart, this is a very difficult question. Since he agreed to cut the grass for me, do I accept this as his responsibility and then find myself angry and resentful when he doesn’t follow through because of his schedule? Or should I accept this as my responsibility since I am the only one living in this house at the present time.
Is it my responsibility to prepare his meals for him and what is my motive in doing so? If it is only to keep the peace then I need to rethink this as part of my responsibility.
In this book, she recommends that one be clear about the conditions needing to be changed. A clear list of changes is recommended so that each person has a clear goal to work towards in reconciling. It also helps each person to know if the criteria have been met so they will not reunite prematurely before real change has occurred. Separation has some negative aspects. It is financially expensive and brings a freedom to each individual which may make it more difficult for the individuals to come back together.
This quote from the book really speaks to the place where many women are struggling in an unhealthy or difficult marriage.
“The decision to leave your marriage can be more difficult than staying in it. Only you can make the final determination that your marriage is so damaging and toxic you must end it to save yourself and your children.” I would like to add that entering back into the relationship after separation can also be very difficult. The same determination must be made as to whether the relationship or marriage continues to be toxic or damaging or whether more healthy patterns are being established.
Eccelesiastes 3:1-8 expresses the balance between the need to tolerate and the need to set boundaries. One thing I have need of today is a time of soul searching to find the answers to the questions stated earlier. Number one on that list is the one I added for my personal inventory about boundaries. “What is God calling me to do and how does He want me to invest in the relationships that are a part of my life at the present time?” There is indeed a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven. What time is it for me? What time is it for you?
Saturday, April 18, 2009
'What Have you Put out in the Atmosphere?" by Cindy Trimm
Everything in the universe begins with and revolves around two things: words and thoughts. These two elements are divine gifts created by God and given to man. They form the creative substance that molds and shapes the destiny of humanity. Each of us becomes the person we are, chooses the direction we take, and accomplishes everything we do based on these two primary elements.
Just as in every seed, there is life-giving power that resides in every spoken word. This principle illustrates how the spiritual law of incubation and manifestation works. Everything you see in the natural began as a spiritual seed—that is, as a thought.
We are told in 2 Peter 1:3-4 that God, in His infinite wisdom, has already given us all things pertaining to life (the Wycliffe version says, "all things of His God-like virtue") that we might partake of His divine nature. Included in this celestial equipping are divine thoughts and inspired words.
As a spiritual being created in the image of God (see Genesis 1:26) your spiritual genes hold the creative power to frame your personal world by the thoughts and words you think and speak, which are divine tools given for your creative use. All you are, experience, and ultimately achieve can be traced back to how you have made use of these two simple, yet vastly powerful, tools—your words and thoughts.
What Occupies Your Mind Determines What Eventually Fills Your Mouth
The power of the spoken word is one of life's greatest mysteries. All that you will ever be or accomplish hinges on how you choose to govern what comes out of your mouth. By what you allow to occupy your mind and mouth, you can either bless your life to great heights of success or send it orbiting into realms of failure, sadness, and discontentment.
This is why Proverbs tells us, "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he" (Proverbs 23:7), and urges, "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life" (Proverbs 4:23). Jesus followed suit by declaring, "For whatever is in your heart determines what you say. A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart" (Matthew 12:34-35).
What occupies your mind determines what eventually fills your mouth; your outer world showcases all that has dominated—and at times subjugated—your inner world. Because the law of cause and effect is continually at work, there is always an inner cause for every outer effect. Your outer world is a direct result of your inner world.
Every circumstance in life is a result of a choice—and every choice is the result of a thought. All those things that fill your mind hold the keys to your reality. Your thoughts provide the fuel for your words, and your words provide the fuel for your world.
It is paramount that you become the master of your thoughts. The greatest man has become so by the scrupulous attention he gives to controlling what goes into his mind and what comes out of his mouth.
So, "Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things" (Philippians 4:6-8).
Blessings,
Dr. N. Cindy TrimmCindy Trimm InternationalEmail: info@cindytrimm.com
About Cindy Trimm: Dr. Cindy Trimm has given her life to instructing and activating persons in the atomic power of prayer and equipping nations to pursue destiny. She is a 21st Century leader who has partnered with heads of state, business moguls, politicians, church, civic and world leaders for more than 30 years to equip and empower millions to maximize their potential. Her track record as a revolutionary thinker and prolific communicator has established her as a well-respected and sought-after leader in the world today. She founded Cindy Trimm International (CTI) to bring practical solutions to spiritual and social ills; effecting change within our communities while transforming the course of our global destiny. Dr. Trimm is best known as the General in the Art of Strategic Prayer and Spiritual Warfare, Kingdom Practitioner and is a respected prophetic voice, bestselling author, life coach, and Ambassador of Hope. She is the author of: The Rules of Engagement and Commanding Your Morning books and has been featured on many television, streaming, and radio programs.
Cindy Trimm's Itinerary:April 8-10 & 12, 2009Action Worship Center9759 Mountain Laurel Way, Suite 1B; Laurel, MDContact: 301-498-7501
April 18-19, 2009Fountain of Truth Baptist Church9801 Chalmers Ave; Detroit, MIContact: 313-839-5200
April 24-25, 2009Breath of The SpiritCampus B - Main Events1531 S. Sinclair; Anaheim, CAContact: 714-695-0668
Permission is granted (and you are also encouraged) to reprint these articles in hard copy form, as well as sending them to your own email lists and posting them on your own websites. We ask only that you keep ElijahList website, email contact info, and author contact information intact.
ElijahList Publications310 2nd Ave SE, Albany, OR 97321 www.elijahlist.com email: info@elijahlist.netPhone 1-541-926-3250
Just as in every seed, there is life-giving power that resides in every spoken word. This principle illustrates how the spiritual law of incubation and manifestation works. Everything you see in the natural began as a spiritual seed—that is, as a thought.
We are told in 2 Peter 1:3-4 that God, in His infinite wisdom, has already given us all things pertaining to life (the Wycliffe version says, "all things of His God-like virtue") that we might partake of His divine nature. Included in this celestial equipping are divine thoughts and inspired words.
As a spiritual being created in the image of God (see Genesis 1:26) your spiritual genes hold the creative power to frame your personal world by the thoughts and words you think and speak, which are divine tools given for your creative use. All you are, experience, and ultimately achieve can be traced back to how you have made use of these two simple, yet vastly powerful, tools—your words and thoughts.
What Occupies Your Mind Determines What Eventually Fills Your Mouth
The power of the spoken word is one of life's greatest mysteries. All that you will ever be or accomplish hinges on how you choose to govern what comes out of your mouth. By what you allow to occupy your mind and mouth, you can either bless your life to great heights of success or send it orbiting into realms of failure, sadness, and discontentment.
This is why Proverbs tells us, "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he" (Proverbs 23:7), and urges, "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life" (Proverbs 4:23). Jesus followed suit by declaring, "For whatever is in your heart determines what you say. A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart" (Matthew 12:34-35).
What occupies your mind determines what eventually fills your mouth; your outer world showcases all that has dominated—and at times subjugated—your inner world. Because the law of cause and effect is continually at work, there is always an inner cause for every outer effect. Your outer world is a direct result of your inner world.
Every circumstance in life is a result of a choice—and every choice is the result of a thought. All those things that fill your mind hold the keys to your reality. Your thoughts provide the fuel for your words, and your words provide the fuel for your world.
It is paramount that you become the master of your thoughts. The greatest man has become so by the scrupulous attention he gives to controlling what goes into his mind and what comes out of his mouth.
So, "Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things" (Philippians 4:6-8).
Blessings,
Dr. N. Cindy TrimmCindy Trimm InternationalEmail: info@cindytrimm.com
About Cindy Trimm: Dr. Cindy Trimm has given her life to instructing and activating persons in the atomic power of prayer and equipping nations to pursue destiny. She is a 21st Century leader who has partnered with heads of state, business moguls, politicians, church, civic and world leaders for more than 30 years to equip and empower millions to maximize their potential. Her track record as a revolutionary thinker and prolific communicator has established her as a well-respected and sought-after leader in the world today. She founded Cindy Trimm International (CTI) to bring practical solutions to spiritual and social ills; effecting change within our communities while transforming the course of our global destiny. Dr. Trimm is best known as the General in the Art of Strategic Prayer and Spiritual Warfare, Kingdom Practitioner and is a respected prophetic voice, bestselling author, life coach, and Ambassador of Hope. She is the author of: The Rules of Engagement and Commanding Your Morning books and has been featured on many television, streaming, and radio programs.
Cindy Trimm's Itinerary:April 8-10 & 12, 2009Action Worship Center9759 Mountain Laurel Way, Suite 1B; Laurel, MDContact: 301-498-7501
April 18-19, 2009Fountain of Truth Baptist Church9801 Chalmers Ave; Detroit, MIContact: 313-839-5200
April 24-25, 2009Breath of The SpiritCampus B - Main Events1531 S. Sinclair; Anaheim, CAContact: 714-695-0668
Permission is granted (and you are also encouraged) to reprint these articles in hard copy form, as well as sending them to your own email lists and posting them on your own websites. We ask only that you keep ElijahList website, email contact info, and author contact information intact.
ElijahList Publications310 2nd Ave SE, Albany, OR 97321 www.elijahlist.com email: info@elijahlist.netPhone 1-541-926-3250
Friday, April 17, 2009
Restless or Resting in Him
Today I woke up with a restless feeling. I had the whole day to myself. With time to do anything I wanted, it would seem to be the perfect kind of day. But, the struggle began inside of me.
The last thought before going to bed last night was one I feel the Lord deposited in my heart. "It is your fear that holds you back." This morning as the struggle began, that fear became the impulse to " run away." I often realize these days that what is going on externally is not nearly as important as what is going on internally.
The thoughts that were going on in my mind were largely thoughts of failure which produce a fear that things will never change. "I have no job, no real schedule, no plans for this day. I will probably waste this day like so many others recently." Thoughts of the past and the things that have not been settled that I thought would have long ago been settled filled my mind. Then my thoughts went to those of future failures. "I will never get past these fears and move into a place of peace. My family thinks I am a failure , especially when it comes to marriage. And what if my husband doesn't do the right things and I am again embarassed and humiliated by his rejecting me again." These thoughts escalated to anger at myself and onto anger at my husband.
Looking out onto the back yard, I realized how tall the grass has become and became angry that I purchased a lawn mower at the advice of my husband. His thoughts were that it would save me money in the long run since he could do the mowing for me. Of course, I realized that I was angry that he had only taken care of the front lawn a week ago and hadnt mentioned the backyard since. So how did I get to this type of thinking? Now, I am feeling guilty for the choices I have made and becoming angry with myself. The only natural thing to do is shift this blame to someone else. Right?
In an attempt to get the day started I got dressed, packed up my books and drove to the local McDonald's to have coffee. Perhaps I could forget about the grass for now. If I just take the first step and get out the door, maybe God will show me where I can spend the day today and what I can do that will be productive for Him. After all, He can't get glory out of my sitting around feeling sorry for myself.
As I sipped on my coffee and reread a chapter from the latest book I am reading, The Hidden Life, I realized this chapter focused on the need for God's perfect love to come and cast out all of our "fear". I better pay attention to these thoughts. God was already meeting me at my point of need.
Just then I received a call from a dear friend who seemed to be having the same crisis in her own life. Not to say that we have exactly the same circumstances but our responses to our situations seemed much the same. The feelings of just "running away" and feeling we have not really been connecting to our one and only Source were common ground for the two of us. As we talked I realized that this conversation was very important and was blessing me as I hoped it was blessing my friend.
Ever had a time when God just connected the dots and brought the opportunity for you to speak with just the right person at the right time of day? This was one of those moments. It was as if Betty Skinner's words which I had just finished reading were the words each of us needed to hear. We could stay tied up in our offenses, our missed opportunities, our failures of the past, or we could see the value in the moment and what God is trying to do in the midst of our circumstances.
In both our lives there are circumstances that are difficult to understand and also impossible for us to control and change. When we discover how powerless we are to control others or change our circumstances, the fear takes over and we are ready to bolt--run away--find another person, place, church, home, workplace that will bring an end to the fear so we can finally have the peace we think we deserve.
All the time, God is calling us to return to Him. He is our First Love, our Source. He alone is the answer, that which will satisfy. He is our Peace.
It is in this very real struggle between the paralyzing fears of a 'false self' (Betty's words in her book) and the re-created self-the Christ self, that we live each day. Returning to Him is a real struggle, but when we surrender to His voice, we will find Him waiting to order our day, banish our fears, give us the wisdom we seek and become our peace.
After this conversation, I sat in two different parking lots trying to determine where I should go for the day and what I should do. "Where can I go Lord to find You today and hear your voice and find your plan for today?" Looking back on this, it seems incomprehensible that one could not figure out how to spend a beautiful sunshiny day. Another example of how much the enemy would like to steal all our moments and our days.
Finally I sensed that I should go back home, stop running and surrender. I would like to say that I surrendered immediately upon coming home. Instead, I tried to crank the lawnmower for 10 minutes and finally gave up. I heard Him say loud and clear, "GIVE IT UP! He wanted me to look past the tall grass, past the anger at myself and others and take in the beauty around me. After all, the fears I have about my husband not following through with the mowing are not in my power to change. When I am afraid, I am disconnected from Him and He is my Source.
Waiting is one of the most difficult pieces in our spiritual journey. We want to outrun God but our growth depends on conciously letting go of our fears and allowing our circumstances to teach us what He intends for us through them. We are anxious in the waiting, filled with our own expectations, planing our own agendas. It becomes a subtle way of trying to control the outcome which can bring disappointment, discouragement, even despair.
When I begin to trust that He will bring me whatever I need, then I can experience a kind of open ended waiting. Faith will come and I can trust that He will cast out my fear.
I put on my comfortable clothes and sat down on the deck overlooking the tall grass and became quiet. I knew He was about to set me free from my personal agenda and all my expectations of the day. As Betty so clearly pointed out in the chapter I read earlier, we cannot fully embrace the moment if we live in either the past or the future. I slowly let go of the fears that He showed me as I sat in the beautiful sunshine and waited to hear His voice.
Here is what He said to me when I fully surrendered to the quiet and let go of my fears.
"Have I not positioned you for such a time as this? And given you a Voice? It is not the voice of another. You have not chosen this voice but I have chosen you... to stand in the gap for those in your family. You will be like a well watered garden as you come before me and rivers of living water will flow from you to those around you who are weary, disappointed, discouraged and on the brink of despair. Do not despise this position I have given you. It is in these moments you spend with me that I will prepare you as an Anna to speak of Jesus to all who are looking for redemption. You have a Voice... it is unique like every bird's voice you have heard today. Only you can fill the position I have given you. I have set you in this position for such a time as this."
Ladies,
I cannot express to you how important it was that I SURRENDER to His plan for today. Having given my fears to Him, my heart was ready to receive this message from Him. Without surrender there would have been no place for this message to take root in my heart. I have struggled for awhile with His call to prayer for others. He has shown me over the last 3 months how prayer moves the mountains that I often try to manipulate and move myself. I pray that my very real struggle as silly as it may seem will speak to your heart in some way. I am trusting that something of this message will find a place to take root in your heart.
I John 4:18 AMP "There is no fear in love[dread does not exist], but full-grown (complete and perfect love) turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear brings with it the thought of punishment, and [so] he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love [is not yet grown into love's complete perfection]. "
Let's allow Him to landscape our hearts and remove the spirit of fear everytime it comes and plant His love deeply into our hearts so that we will be rooted and grounded in that love. Then we can show others that love more readily because we will be connected to the Source, for HE IS LOVE.
The last thought before going to bed last night was one I feel the Lord deposited in my heart. "It is your fear that holds you back." This morning as the struggle began, that fear became the impulse to " run away." I often realize these days that what is going on externally is not nearly as important as what is going on internally.
The thoughts that were going on in my mind were largely thoughts of failure which produce a fear that things will never change. "I have no job, no real schedule, no plans for this day. I will probably waste this day like so many others recently." Thoughts of the past and the things that have not been settled that I thought would have long ago been settled filled my mind. Then my thoughts went to those of future failures. "I will never get past these fears and move into a place of peace. My family thinks I am a failure , especially when it comes to marriage. And what if my husband doesn't do the right things and I am again embarassed and humiliated by his rejecting me again." These thoughts escalated to anger at myself and onto anger at my husband.
Looking out onto the back yard, I realized how tall the grass has become and became angry that I purchased a lawn mower at the advice of my husband. His thoughts were that it would save me money in the long run since he could do the mowing for me. Of course, I realized that I was angry that he had only taken care of the front lawn a week ago and hadnt mentioned the backyard since. So how did I get to this type of thinking? Now, I am feeling guilty for the choices I have made and becoming angry with myself. The only natural thing to do is shift this blame to someone else. Right?
In an attempt to get the day started I got dressed, packed up my books and drove to the local McDonald's to have coffee. Perhaps I could forget about the grass for now. If I just take the first step and get out the door, maybe God will show me where I can spend the day today and what I can do that will be productive for Him. After all, He can't get glory out of my sitting around feeling sorry for myself.
As I sipped on my coffee and reread a chapter from the latest book I am reading, The Hidden Life, I realized this chapter focused on the need for God's perfect love to come and cast out all of our "fear". I better pay attention to these thoughts. God was already meeting me at my point of need.
Just then I received a call from a dear friend who seemed to be having the same crisis in her own life. Not to say that we have exactly the same circumstances but our responses to our situations seemed much the same. The feelings of just "running away" and feeling we have not really been connecting to our one and only Source were common ground for the two of us. As we talked I realized that this conversation was very important and was blessing me as I hoped it was blessing my friend.
Ever had a time when God just connected the dots and brought the opportunity for you to speak with just the right person at the right time of day? This was one of those moments. It was as if Betty Skinner's words which I had just finished reading were the words each of us needed to hear. We could stay tied up in our offenses, our missed opportunities, our failures of the past, or we could see the value in the moment and what God is trying to do in the midst of our circumstances.
In both our lives there are circumstances that are difficult to understand and also impossible for us to control and change. When we discover how powerless we are to control others or change our circumstances, the fear takes over and we are ready to bolt--run away--find another person, place, church, home, workplace that will bring an end to the fear so we can finally have the peace we think we deserve.
All the time, God is calling us to return to Him. He is our First Love, our Source. He alone is the answer, that which will satisfy. He is our Peace.
It is in this very real struggle between the paralyzing fears of a 'false self' (Betty's words in her book) and the re-created self-the Christ self, that we live each day. Returning to Him is a real struggle, but when we surrender to His voice, we will find Him waiting to order our day, banish our fears, give us the wisdom we seek and become our peace.
After this conversation, I sat in two different parking lots trying to determine where I should go for the day and what I should do. "Where can I go Lord to find You today and hear your voice and find your plan for today?" Looking back on this, it seems incomprehensible that one could not figure out how to spend a beautiful sunshiny day. Another example of how much the enemy would like to steal all our moments and our days.
Finally I sensed that I should go back home, stop running and surrender. I would like to say that I surrendered immediately upon coming home. Instead, I tried to crank the lawnmower for 10 minutes and finally gave up. I heard Him say loud and clear, "GIVE IT UP! He wanted me to look past the tall grass, past the anger at myself and others and take in the beauty around me. After all, the fears I have about my husband not following through with the mowing are not in my power to change. When I am afraid, I am disconnected from Him and He is my Source.
Waiting is one of the most difficult pieces in our spiritual journey. We want to outrun God but our growth depends on conciously letting go of our fears and allowing our circumstances to teach us what He intends for us through them. We are anxious in the waiting, filled with our own expectations, planing our own agendas. It becomes a subtle way of trying to control the outcome which can bring disappointment, discouragement, even despair.
When I begin to trust that He will bring me whatever I need, then I can experience a kind of open ended waiting. Faith will come and I can trust that He will cast out my fear.
I put on my comfortable clothes and sat down on the deck overlooking the tall grass and became quiet. I knew He was about to set me free from my personal agenda and all my expectations of the day. As Betty so clearly pointed out in the chapter I read earlier, we cannot fully embrace the moment if we live in either the past or the future. I slowly let go of the fears that He showed me as I sat in the beautiful sunshine and waited to hear His voice.
Here is what He said to me when I fully surrendered to the quiet and let go of my fears.
"Have I not positioned you for such a time as this? And given you a Voice? It is not the voice of another. You have not chosen this voice but I have chosen you... to stand in the gap for those in your family. You will be like a well watered garden as you come before me and rivers of living water will flow from you to those around you who are weary, disappointed, discouraged and on the brink of despair. Do not despise this position I have given you. It is in these moments you spend with me that I will prepare you as an Anna to speak of Jesus to all who are looking for redemption. You have a Voice... it is unique like every bird's voice you have heard today. Only you can fill the position I have given you. I have set you in this position for such a time as this."
Ladies,
I cannot express to you how important it was that I SURRENDER to His plan for today. Having given my fears to Him, my heart was ready to receive this message from Him. Without surrender there would have been no place for this message to take root in my heart. I have struggled for awhile with His call to prayer for others. He has shown me over the last 3 months how prayer moves the mountains that I often try to manipulate and move myself. I pray that my very real struggle as silly as it may seem will speak to your heart in some way. I am trusting that something of this message will find a place to take root in your heart.
I John 4:18 AMP "There is no fear in love[dread does not exist], but full-grown (complete and perfect love) turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear brings with it the thought of punishment, and [so] he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love [is not yet grown into love's complete perfection]. "
Let's allow Him to landscape our hearts and remove the spirit of fear everytime it comes and plant His love deeply into our hearts so that we will be rooted and grounded in that love. Then we can show others that love more readily because we will be connected to the Source, for HE IS LOVE.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Let Go
Ladies,
I knew Kirk Franklin struggled with sexual addiction but did not know about the following song. I found it last night on My Church. It is so powerful and you can see the depth of his own emotions as he performs.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJ4uWwZMq5M&eurl=http://www.mychurch.org/blog/369250/Let-it-Go&feature=player_embedded
I knew Kirk Franklin struggled with sexual addiction but did not know about the following song. I found it last night on My Church. It is so powerful and you can see the depth of his own emotions as he performs.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJ4uWwZMq5M&eurl=http://www.mychurch.org/blog/369250/Let-it-Go&feature=player_embedded
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