You Put that on Facebook?

Recently, my family spent a week at the beach. For several days the grandchildren kept showing me this plastic cylinder filled with tiny red, white and blue balloons. The label indicated they were water balloons. I'd even tried, unsuccessfully, to help my granddaughter fill some at the kitchen sink one afternoon. Aside from that experience, I hadn't put much thought into these water balloons. My last experience with water filled bombs was a kindergarten field day many years ago. I would be less than honest to say I thought of the idea as something fun to do on our vacation.




I think my family would tell you I love to have fun, even acting somewhat foolish for an adult at times.

However, they would also tell you I'm pretty ridiculous about my hair and makeup at times. I just don't like feeling exposed to public places without makeup and both clean and styled hair. And once I've cleaned up and spent hours getting cleaned up from the sand and sweat of the beach, I'm done with water for the day. Of course, we have no control over the sudden cloudbursts or thunderstorms. I have about as much control over my naturally curly hair which seems to come completely unfurled in the humidity at the beach.



I've shared all this to preface some serious thoughts today. As we are all aware, sometimes things happen in life that make life seem to unfurl and we are hit by that sudden rainstorm or the SMACK!!! of an unexpected water balloon.



About mid-week, my friend David and I decided to take a ride on the golf cart. After a time, we found a place we could look out over the water where we became the uninvited guests at a wedding on the beach. You probably wouldn't imagine that my mind went to a thought about how the wind was blowing the bride's hair all willy nilly as she stood next to her soon to be husband. While I love the beach and have often thought it a beautiful place to tie the knot, I couldn't see myself making that choice since it would leave much to chance, the least of which might be the condition of my hair.

What superficiality can be found in thoughts like these!



With no reception being held and our being uninvited to begin with, we made our way back to where family was WAITING.



It seems I knew it immediately and spoke quickly these words of caution, “Don't pull in, they're going to get us!” Everyone perched on the deck with the look of a cheshire cat on each of their faces, was a heads up that we were about to be lambasted with red, white, blue and WET. I also saw the technology come out and someone taking a picture which was sure to be on Facebook.



I was correct. Within minutes my now windblown, wedding and water balloon attendee hair would be seen by people everywhere. Exposed. That's the word for how I felt for a few minutes after I got over the feeling of t-shirt and shorts sticking to my skin and changed into something more comfortable.





I've struggled all of my adult life with superficial things like my outward appearance. My inclination today is to admit how often these struggles have stolen much joy from my life. A friend, who will remain anonymous, confessed to me her own struggle to enjoy a ride in her date's convertible while trying to keep her hair in place. While we both laughed and found some comfort in our shared struggles, we would both like to be free of the shackles of feeling less than perfect.



I've just completed a book about the subject of Shame. On the back cover there is this statement. “Shame controls far too many of us.” I'd like to suggest today that anything that makes us want to hide behind perfect hair and makeup, perfect grades or perfect performance in any area of our lives hints of shame. If the real person inside of you wants to experience life as you once did as a child without erecting the walls of self protection to “save face” you might find a root of shame in your life.



I am learning there are certain things in my own life (larger than the hair issue) that feel like the water balloon assault about to go down. It feels like the same thing is about to happen to me all over again and life might just come unfurled and my shame will again be EXPOSED. I hear myself saying, “Just don't go there. Hide. You aren't invited to the celebration. The attack is waiting right around the corner. Just look at you! You don't belong or fit in!”



I'm happy to report that the Bible is about shame from start to finish. God began to open my eyes to this some years ago in such a beautiful way. I wish I could report that I have reached the ultimate goal of freedom I long for in my life. Some days I feel like I'm still just getting my feet wet. While I'm still prone to get stuck in the “every hair's in place” performance mode for acceptance, God is teaching me to understand how to look at Jesus through the lens of shame and see how much He cares for, covers, adopts, cleanses and accepts each of us.



A few days ago, I found another less than desirable photo of myself taken at the beach and without my awareness shared on Facebook. At first I thought of how many people might see my lack of makeup and the lines in my face. Then I found myself laughing out loud at the moment I'd had with my son. I decided to share it with some friends and hopefully they might enjoy the moment with me.



My goal in sharing so candidly with you is that we all might see how much time, joy and freedom can be stolen from us when we see life through the lens of shame. There was that moment in time that God and His Son shared together that has made it possible for each of us to be free of shameful, protective thoughts, patterns and behaviors.



“Everything Scripture says about shame converges at Jesus. From his birth to his crucifixion, the shame of the world was distilled to its most concentrated form and washed over him. He was despised, insulted, naked, a friend of sinners, and abandoned by those who knew Him best. The crucifixion was not the tragic end of an otherwise charmed life. It was the logical conclusion of the shame he voluntarily accumulated from the moment of his birth.” (p.107, Welch)



If you've asked yourself the question, “why would she be so concerned with her outward appearance?” know that I've asked myself a thousand times over. I'm learning that my focus should no longer be on that question but the one who gave Himself to be the answer to that question. The more my thoughts are on the scars in His hands more than the lines on my face and the crown on his head more than the tangled mess of my hair, my freedom will unfurl.



Join me today in getting a picture of how you'd like to see freedom from the effects of shame in your life.



By faith I see myself approaching Christ, my Bridegroom, on the beach, with my hair in disarray from the salty sea spray. My eyes are glowing and my face unadorned except for the expression of thankfulness and deep love I have for Him. My heart is exposed but there's no need for a veil, no need for a covering of any sort. He invites me to take His hand and walk in the water. I know there will be no more rejection, no more betrayal. He accepts me. He chooses me. Like the waves, His mercy and love come crashing over me and finally I understand the freedom He has always had for me.

Forget to Remember

About a week ago, my grandchildren were over and I found myself using the term “forget to remember” in describing a situation that happened between them. When I picked them up from school, my granddaughter had fallen and injured one leg from knees to toes and tears filled her eyes as she described to me what had happened. As we approached her brother's class, I saw her demeanor change and realized as she called out his name, she wanted him to come and comfort her. I remember saying, “You want your brother don't you?” as she then began to cry out loud and tears streamed down her face. He came up the stairs and put his arms lovingly around his baby sister. I must tell you I cried some pretty large tears myself at this point. We've all felt that need to be comforted and seeing it take shape there before me tapped into my great need for the same.



A few hours later they became upset with each other as they were growing tired. One thing led to another and soon there was an argument and some finger pointing and more tears. Their mother and I tried to put it all to rest and they climbed into their car and drove away. A little later, I realized it might be important to let their mother know about the scene earlier in the afternoon. I knew she would be blessed to know how much love they had shown for each other and how their expression of love had touched my heart. I reminded her we all “forget to remember” the positive sometimes in light of the negative things that come into our lives.


As I was reading going through my Bible study today, I was pleasantly surprised to see the words “forget to remember” again. I thought this uncanny since I'd just used them a week ago. The picture of my grandson's arms about his sister immediately came to my mind and quite naturally led me to think of how much I need comfort when I've fallen and the sting of my fall leaves me feeling broken and needing His gentle touch of mercy.



He knows what we need even before we know we need it (Him).

After all, He is the omniscient, “all knowing God."

In Matthew 14, when the disciples were in the boat, out in the middle of the sea, with the storm approaching, Jesus was on the mountain top praying for them. He already knew the storm was gathering and began making His way to them. Should I be surprised that this passage has come my way 3 times this week? If I can remember His faithfulness and His promises and forget to remember the darkness and the danger, then instead of feeling Him to be distant, I will feel His closeness and comfort.



Recently, I found a beautiful card from my sister of the heart who lives in another city. The picture of Jesus leaning closely into a small blonde haired child, her hands clasped in prayer, says simply...”Before we even pray the words...”

“Before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear.” (Isaiah 65:24)

Our Savior's loving heart is never surprised by the trials we face. He was on His way to the disciples before the storm gathered. He wants us to recognize His Presence IS the impenetrable fortress when we are walking through tests and trials. He wants to step in and put His arms around us and bring the calm and peace in the midst of the storm.



There really is no security apart from Him. When things come to buffet our lives, we have a choice where to put our focus.



Today, no matter the trial or test, focus your eyes upon Him and remember His promises. He says He WILL answer, even before we call. He WILL hear even when we are still focusing on the issues at hand. If we will “forget to remember” the trial and get our eyes fixed on Him, He will walk with us in our trial, even walk over the deep waters and through the fire with us. His Presence will become our impenetrable fortress as we forget to remember the TRIAL and enter into the security of His promises.



Like my grandchildren “forgot to remember” their close embrace and the loving hearts they have for one another, we sometimes do the same in our trials. We forget to focus on His great and precious promises to us and instead get caught up in the painful, sometimes fearful circumstances of our trials and tests.


He is aware of our need for comfort and peace during these times. Allow your tears to fall, your voice to cry out your need for Him. He is already making His way to you now. His Presence will come and calm your stormy sea and you will “forget to remember” the tossing waves and turbulent winds. His Presence is your safe place.



“For in the day of trouble He will hide me in His shelter; in the secret place of His tent will He hide me; He will set me high upon a rock.” (Psalm 27:5)

His Children have a Refuge

Mother's Day approaches and as women our thoughts often turn to the female influences in our individual lives. No matter the positive and sometimes negative influence in our lives, I dare say each of us has some idea our mother's lives were also impacted by both blessing and calamity as it speaks of in the book of Genesis, soon after the words of God that were spoken to Eve after the fall of man.



“To the woman He said, I will greatly multiply your grief and your suffering in pregnancy and the pangs of childbearing; with spasms of distress you will bring forth children. Yet your desire and craving will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”



There have been many theological dissertations on the subject of the fall of man and the curses that fell on men and women. My appeal today is not to the mind today but to the heart of those who find themselves female in this world. For many, like Father's Day, we find ourselves searching the card rack for a card that holds just the right message in light of the internal messages we've found tattooed on our hearts through the experiences of our mothers and grandmothers. Who crafts these messages that never seem to hold ALL of the realities of the rear view mirror look at our own upbringing? Haven't we all had occasion to say “this doesn't even describe my mother.” Whether we find them praising too highly or lackluster in describing our own maternal influence, we often find them falling short.



As I thought of my own mother and grandmother today, my mind seemed to drift to other mothers who still fight similar battles of life. I thought of the mother who …



Finds she is lacking the resources to make her childrens' lives more comfortable

Weeps for the wayward son or daughter, grandson or granddaughter in the wee hours

Struggles to understand the genetic disease her small child is facing perhaps for life

Discovers her husband, child or grandchild has a hidden addiction

Receives the unwelcome knock on the door or call in the night no mother feels she can bear

Surrenders her will to God when all else has failed in making a difference

Processes the failure of her own child and grasps for the heart to forgive

Feels powerless to put an end to the bullying her child is experiencing at school

Hides her own addiction behind closed doors and hopes her children don't learn of her weakness

Works multiple jobs to try to make the ends meet

Waits for months for her son or daughter to be on American soil again

Watches their child make mistakes both like and unlike her own

“Weighs in” day in and day out to satisfy the demon of man's acceptance

Takes the punch, the snarl, the shaking

Wonders when she'll really feel she is enough to go around



As I thought of the women in my life both by birth and friendship, I have lived long enough to know we have all been affected by those words in Genesis. Relationships were marred and mothering at its best has been forever changed by our first parents. But, thankfully, we are not destined to remain without hope as mothers.



I like to think of Ruth Graham when motherhood comes to mind. Her writings in The Prodigal and Those Who Love Them had such a deep impact on my life when I was praying for and believing God for a miracle in my son's life. It seems the wife of Billy Graham experienced all the tumultuous emotions of every woman born on this planet. She took a look back at mothers from much earlier times and found some solace in the words written by other women who were experiencing the afflictions and facing the disappointments and discouragement that come with being the givers of life.



While there could be much said about the thoughts I've shared here and those provoked by your reading them, my one hope is that we all might take the following thought from Mrs. Graham to our hearts.

I THINK IT HARDER, LORD

I think it harder,

Lord, to cast

the cares of those I love

on You,

than to cast mine.

We, growing older,

learn at last

that You

are merciful

and true.

Not one time

have you failed me,

Lord__

why fear that You'll

fail mine?

As Mother's Day approaches I encourage you to think on His faithfulness to you and your generations past. Surely, there was a mixed bag for every woman we have known and yet we can trace His hand of goodness if we but make that choice.



Choices....we make good and bad choices as mothers. Our sins and that of our mothers and grandmothers has had an impact on the innocent. How then can we move into the days ahead with more assurance and hope in light of all the distress and despair we experience on our journey here?

Mrs. Graham, like her husband, never failed to point to God's precepts, His presence, His provision, His promises and His power. It's in His Word, we find the comfort, the hope, the forgiveness, the peace and the strength to continue on as mothers and grandmothers.



No matter what we are facing as a mother this Mother's Day, I pray we can all hold onto these thoughts.



“O,that there were such a heart in (mothers ..my insertion) that they would fear me, and keep all my commandments always, that it might be well with them, and with their children forever!”


Deutoronomy 5:29






“In the fear of the Lord is strong confidence: and his children have a place of refuge.”


Proverbs 14:26

Arise, Shiine

"ARISE, SHINE, FOR THY LIGHT HAS COME AND THE GLORY OF THE LORD IS RISEN UPON YOU." ISAIAH 60:1



When my 60th birthday came in March, God spoke to me quietly about one of the very first verses I learned as a young girl. I regularly attended Girl's Auxiliary where Helen Poplin and Gladys Sipe taught us the Word of God and opened my heart to those who were serving on the Southern Baptist mission field. This was only the beginning of my love for God's Word. One of the first verses I committed to memory was Isaiah 60:1.




“Arise, Shine for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you!” I admit I wasn't at all sure what this verse meant but coupled with the song “We've A Story to Tell to the Nations” from the Baptist hymnal, a subtle but all important message that I could affect the world for Christ was birthed in me.



The first verse filled with such hopeful lyrics is forever stamped on my brain and my heart.

“We've a story to tell to the nations

That shall turn their hearts to the right;

A story of truth and mercy,

A story of peace and light...a story of peace and light.

Chorus:

For the darkness shall turn to dawning and the dawning to noonday bright,

And Christ's great kingdom shall come on earth, The kingdom of love and light.”



This week as I sat with my new friend Kay at the coffeehouse, I shared with her my desire to write a book and also the frustration in whether or not that was a worthy goal. Her reply was pointed and simple but profound in its impact.

“You might think of it as I have a story to tell.” she said.



“I have a story to tell.” I wrote under the date at the top of the page.



It's been almost a week since she spoke these words to me. It wasn't until this morning I was drawn again to the words of Isaiah 60:1. Today has been a day when I felt like a bag full of marbles dumped upside down, all my thoughts rolling off in different directions. Truly by lunchtime my thoughts, like so many loose ends, needed to be gathered into one place as I prayed for focus to come.



In Jen Hatmaker's book, 7, (yes, that is the title of this very humorous/yet serious book about the author's mutiny against excess in our society ). Having reached the last chapter where she launches out on her final fast from excess to embark on a time of Seven Sacred Pauses, I found myself reading these words.



“God this is the story you've given me to live. Write it with beauty and light. Banish the dark pockets of selfishness and jealousy with truth. Forgive me for choosing envy when I should have been thrilled your name will become even more famous. My gosh, I am a mess. Teach me peace in a violent world, already riddled with competition and greed. Give me a heart of flesh that contends for your glory through anyone, everyone, anywhere, everywhere. Reign over me until there is only you.”



As I made my sacred pause at noon, called the Hour of Illumination, which has been practiced in times past by the ancients, monastics through prayer pauses every day, my thoughts turned to Isaiah 60:1. I found myself thoughtfully reading onto the second verse.

“For behold, darkness shall cover the earth, and dense darkness [all] peoples, but the Lord shall arise upon you, and His glory shall be seen on you.”



On a day when my thoughts seem as scattered as the seeds of a dandelion, it is much more difficult for me to follow my storyline and trust and believe the glorious light and hope of our Lord Jesus is rising on me in this moment.



Only moments after reading the focus verse for this prayer pause, I received an email about a critical need of a dear friend. As I paused to speak to God about this father and son who so clearly need His wisdom, peace and comfort, I realized how far reaching my prayers might be as I leave the outcome in His hands. There is no distance too great for God to span in answering our prayers for another. Just recently, I experienced the victory of a believer in Thailand as we interceded here in America with others around the world.



In the sacred pause called the Hour of Illumination, we honor the hour when Jesus embraced the cross. (Matt. 27:45) We follow His lead in vowing to love this world like Jesus did. We pledge to shine brightly, becoming the hope to the hopeless and light in the darkness. We pray against the darkness that consumes, and steals and ruins... even the one that attempts to destroy our focus with loose ends thinking.



We've a story to tell to the nations,

A story of truth and mercy, peace and light...



Every day has a story in it. There are words, perhaps even runaway thoughts and lack of focus. But God can enter our story at any time if we invite Him. He may bring new thoughts or even a memory of something from the past but there are always lessons to be learned.



Today I was reminded that a sacred pause in the middle of the day can bring an opportunity to spread His light to someone miles away, even across the globe. My story today comes full circle from the time I was a small girl, memorizing Isaiah 60:1 to the moment when I was given the opportunity to pray for God's light to shine into the circumstances of another. I feel honored to be included in God's bigger story of redemption as I allow Him to illuminate my days and focus my thoughts towards others.



“Arise, shine, for your light has come and the glory of the Lord is risen upon you.”

“The entrance and unfolding of Your Words give light.” (Psalm 119:130)



Yielded and Still

In my writing I find an outlet for all the thoughts running around in my head. For a season in my life, I was asked to record my feelings in a journal, followed by the thoughts I was having while experiencing that emotion. That was truly the beginning of learning to take thoughts captive for me. Having spent many years feeling the emotions of others at the expense of feeling my own, I was suddenly confronted with what was really going on inside my heart. Putting pen to paper was a brain dump of sorts from which I emptied self out onto paper and learned how many lies I'd believed about myself and ultimately has led to my discovery of my need to update my personal image of God.




Today, I rose filled with hope that I was about to experience a revival of a part time career as I waited by the phone for a call from a woman in another state. She'd expressed interest in my coaching/counseling services after reading of my own personal pain in an area in which she is now struggling. Five minutes, then ten, then fifteen passed and I remembered how difficult it was to minister to women who were dealing with sexual addiction in their marriages. Disappointment set in as I realized she wasn't going to follow through with her promise to call.



I realize in the aftermath I've grown in maturity as I made the decision to move on with my morning. As I read through one chapter and then another, the theme became clearer and clearer to me. Pursuit of God must be our singular most important goal as a believer. Then, I came to the following statement,
“The Father is true to His heart not our selective ideas about who is to hear the message of the Gospel.” While the study was pointing out our ideas about where and to which nations the gospel should be sent, I was hearing a more personal message from Him. You are still looking for your own plan, your own purpose and as long as you continue to do this, you will be frustrated and disappointed. Your only real security is in Jesus' words. The truth and all that I desire for you are found “in Him.”



And then I was impressed to go back and read a “word from the heart of God” sent to me this week from a dear friend.



'listen to me.... isaiah 43:10 says, "you are My witnesses, whom I created... to KNOW Me and to BELIEVE Me."



THAT is all God asks of us.  to BE with Him.  to know and believe HIM. 



DOING is secondary.  sooooooooooooo secondary.  dont stress over what you are DOING, robin.  strive to BE WITH God every chance you get.  to read, pray, worship, sing, think about, and be silent with Him.



when you get to that place, when it's natural for you to "live" there, you may find your heart changed completely.  and you just never know what might come next.



i really feel that this is a word for you today.  from the heart of God.  and i dont sense that very often for another person.



i am with you, sister.”



It wasn't long before I also remembered the words of my mentor, with words of wisdom born of years of experience in her walk with Christ. When I'd talked to her of my belief and desire to write a book, she merely said, “I think you should think of it as 'I have a story to tell.'



I have a tendency to get too verbose when I write, so today my effort is to be brief and to the point. The point is becoming clearer for me as my own ideas, plans and purposes continue to be frustrated. On Easter Sunday we saw a video clip of a dramatization of Jesus speaking to Peter after he had denied Christ three times on the night of his arrest. In his failure, Peter believed he was no longer worthy to be a disciple and was filled with shame. The words Jesus spoke to him in reply about feeding His sheep were followed in the video with these words, “It's ALWAYS about ME, Peter.”

In the Bible study today, one of my notes says, “Simply listen to Jesus.” Anytime it's about our ideas and plans or our ability to make things happen, our “doing” or “helping Him” or about “our shame and disappointments” things begin to get out of focus.



He is making ready a bride without spot or wrinkle before He comes again. One king, the Lord Jesus, Christ will rise to prominence and the highest joy will be to those who have known Him. So as I lay down my ideas, thoughts and plans for this day, I thank Him for invading my thoughts, challenging my self desire and drawing me once again to KNOW HIM and BELIEVE that He has a plan and a purpose for my life.



“Have thine own way, Lord...have thine own way... Mold me and make me after thy will, while I am waiting yielded and still...Hold o'er my being Absolute sway...Till all shall see, Christ only, always living in me.”



“...until Christ is completely and permanently formed and molded within you.” Galatians 4:19


I am with you sisters... as we seek Him and allow Him to mold and make us into His beautiful, spotless bride....

Bloomin' in the Light

When I started my prayer time today, several young women and one of unknown age who sent an email filled with discouragement last night came to mind. How to pray for those who are hurting enough to contemplate suicide, run away from home and those who love them, those who seem without hope? I myself, have taken flight so many times, in so many ways, in discouraging times and in desperation. So how do I, one who still struggles, intercede for another? What words can I say that move God to action in their behalf?




I remember a verse that has built my faith over the years as I open my book by Joyce Meyer, Healing the Brokenhearted. “His Word will not return void but will accomplish that for which He has sent it.” I've come to trust in that verse as true and even if I don't see the result and answer immediately, I trust and believe that it will eventually come to pass. When I walk through dark and troubled times, it is much more difficult to muster up the faith to believe my faith will become sight. And its much easier to believe God's Word is true for others than for myself. I have to look in the mirror each day and live with the heart inside my own chest. But today, God showed me my heart is not unlike that of others, desperately seeking His love and mostly settling for substitutes for the real thing.



As I prayed the love of God would invade the lives of some really hurting women this morning, I was reminded of how God has shown His love to me over the last several weeks. One moment stood out for me, not because it was a tangible gift from another but the way it surprised me. After 10 pm a few nights ago, I drove into my driveway and my headlights caught the color of a small garden flag waving next to my porch steps. Since I'd spent all the day before cleaning my garage, the hose was still lying along the steps as I grew tired before finishing the clean up. “What's Bloomin?” the small flag covered in daisies asked? As I touched the flag with my fingers and asked myself who had surprised me while I was gone, I saw a gift bag sitting by my door. I could hardly wait to see what was inside. Pulling the tissue paper away, I saw at least a dozen candles and tarts of different colors and fragrances inside the bag. I knew immediately it was a gift from my neighbor who'd already shared some of these with me earlier. Our conversation had been one that allowed her to see my heart has been hurting. She didn't allow that revelation to be wasted. She acted on it. And I keep thinking of how she went about bringing this blessing to me. It really made all the difference.



You see, I won't forget the surprise of getting my first glimpse of this small flag in the dim light of my headlights that will stick with me for a long time. It's been in the last several weeks when darkness seemed to come to put out the light within me, I've seen God's love come in so many ways to obliterate this darkness. A helping hand, a hand over mine praying for me to see how much God loves me, an email of encouragement, a blessing prayed over my life, a small flag and the scent of springtime in my kitchen drawn from a bag of blessing.

It says in the book of John, the darkness can never overshadow the light of Christ. He is Light that blazes out in the darkness. It takes such a small effort on our part to be that light to someone else who is experiencing the assault of darkness on their heart. We are tempted to hang out in the guilt and shame of the past, the damage we've done to others or they to us, or run in terror from what we see in our own hearts. But God has planted His eternal love within us and seeds of His love can begin to bloom even in the darkest of hours. We can look within and see What's Bloomin' inside our hearts as He can still use us to bring the fragrance of the love of Christ to the hurting. We must rise up out of the darkness and take our rightful position as the Beloved of Christ. Other women need the light and life to shine in their darkness.



What did I pray for the hurting women I found on my heart this morning? That they would experience the love of Christ today in a real and practical way...that someone who carries the light of Christ within would reach out to them in love, in spite of their own struggles to …



touch them...

speak a word of encouragement to them...

speak a blessing over them in prayer...

believe in them and for them when it seems too hard for them right now...

smile at them...

visit them...

sit with them in the pain...

leave an offering, a small surprise to delight them in their darkness



Today, let's pray for one another but let's not let it stop there. Let's rise up out of the darkness and run to others with the light. Let the Light lead you to the ones He wants you to touch today.



“In Him was Life, and the Life was the Light of men. And the Light shines on in the darkness, for the darkness has never overpowered it [put out or absorbed it or appropriated it, and is unreceptive to it.]”

John 1: 4-5

Father,

Help us not receive the darkness in our hearts but instead receive and spread your Light.

Urge me not to Turn Back

I would miss a great opportunity to praise my Father in heaven if I neglected to take the time to share my thoughts this Valentine's Day, February 14th, 2012. The days preceding this have left me struggling with old patterns of thinking and questions about whether He accepts me and loves me, right here, right now.




It's not necessary to share the situations or circumstances with those who find time to read this attempt at being vulnerable and open in order to hopefully help another. I've communicated with a new friend recently on Facebook and learned I am not the only woman who feels the urge to retreat or go into hiding, if you will, perhaps at the very time others need me the most. The tactics of the enemy are designed just for that purpose. He comes to steal our peace, threaten us with physical death or death of relationships, rejection and failure, with the desire to ultimately remove us from the place God has asked us to stand for Him.



I'm so thankful for the myriad ways He has taught me of His faithfulness that I might add have come largely through the trials of my life. Until a few weeks ago, I have been lacking in understanding how quickly I can be moved into the negative emotions of fear, guilt, discouragement and hopelessness. As this new year began, God spoke to me about getting serious about His Word. It is making all the difference as I approach each day with the reminder that His Word is like a weapon in my hand. As I watched the ending of the movie, The Book of Ruth, on television the other night, I was reminded of David's victory over Goliath. David reached inside his pouch and pulled out one smooth stone and with only his slingshot hurled it into the trunk of a tree. A curious way for the movie to end but the picture of that stone stuck in the tree was not lost on me as I have thought of it for days.



The last scene of this movie portrayed Obed, the grandfather of David and son of Ruth and Boaz, reminding the shepherd boy of his position in the lineage of Christ. The story of Ruth and how Boaz became the kinsman redeemer is a beautiful representation of how this plays out in our lives. When Naomi was in the throes of grief, hopelessness and near financial ruin with famine all around, God brought the kinsman redeemer, Boaz, into the lives of Naomi and Ruth and restored the line of Christ through the birth of their son Obed. The foreshadowing of our Kinsman Redeemer, Christ Jesus, makes this story so worthy of reading if you are feeling the kinds of emotions we all suffer as we journey in this place.



As I come to a close of my thoughts this morning, I'd like to share the following verses. I ask you to think with me as if these were the words of our Kinsman Redeemer, Christ the anointed One, to you personally. These are the words of Boaz but they foreshadow all the words of Christ as he ministered here on earth.



Boaz said, “...Ruth, the Moabitess, I have bought to be my wife to restore the name of the dead to his inheritance, that the name of the dead may not be cut off from among his brethren and from the gate of his birthplace.” (Ruth 4:10)



And..



The witnesses said, “May the Lord make the woman who is coming into your house like Rachel and Leah, the two who built the household of Israel. May you do worthily and get wealth (power) in Ephratah and be famous in Bethlehem.” (Ruth 4:11)



Today, I am reminded of all the ways God speaks to us if we are listening. A late night movie, a song, a word of encouragement, a reminder of those who have loved us even in our darkest days as Ruth did Naomi. And may we pass on this day that Our blessed Hope, our Kinsman Redeemer... was and is and is to come. He is the same yesterday, today and forever and ready to restore life to the spiritually dead, the broken and the hopeless.



Let us repeat Ruth's words to our Father..

“Urge me not to turn back from following you; for where you go I will go.”



Ruth loved another, even when it was difficult, and was led to the God who restored her life and that of those around her. She became part of the lineage of Christ. This is the challenge God has set forth for me today. I pray you will hear from heaven through what I've shared of my heart today.

Don't Wait for the Other Shoe to Drop

The 28 weeks I spent at Barnabas Center for the purpose of finding healing from the affects of my former husband's addiction to pornography was only the beginning of the healing journey. One of the most important things I discovered was my propensity to live as a victim of my past. Trapped in habitual negative thinking and a victim mentality, I was in for a rude awakening.




Learning to “be present” was terminology used frequently in the group sessions I experienced with seven other hurting women. I have to admit I was clueless of the meaning of this word for more than half of my time at Barnabas. Living in the moment was something I'd never done, having been held captive by my past for so many years. Living with a victim mentality was so comfortable for me, I had no idea it was stealing my present and my future.



Hearing the leaders of our group repeatedly ask women “Are you present with us?” seemed a foolish and almost laughable question in the beginning. I confess blatantly sarcastic thoughts like, “well, she's sitting right there in front of you.” This might be a clue to the condition of my heart at the time as well. Just as pointed as this question was to others in the group, came the personal and painful comments of the other women as they shared their observations of me during group sessions. You see, at Barnabas, we were not allowed the luxury of hiding behind the facades and walls we'd allowed to be built up in our lives to this point. I am forever grateful to the women who had the courage to confront the truth of what they saw in my life. It was in this setting, the chipping away at wrong patterns of thinking began. It would be weeks before the stronghold of a 'victim mentality' began to come down in my life. Today I thank God for those who initiated the process by speaking the truth in love and showing me my choice to address or ignore the fall out that had occurred in my life as a result of this stronghold (habitual pattern of wrong thinking).



It's been quite some time since my time at Barnabas. I'd like to tell you that 28 weeks took care of the brick wall I'd erected around my heart in hopes I'd be protected from further pain. I guess I was experiencing something like a “leaky heart” when it comes to healing from past emotional and sexual abuse. As my father's doctor described the other day, the valves of the heart are designed to work in tandem, one bringing in the blood and one pumping it out of the heart. With long usage, for example 86 years of life, the valves can stiffen and no longer close properly creating this leaky heart issue. After years of entertaining a victim mind set, I'd come to accept and allow the lies in my heart even in light of all the words of truth I'd studied and heard as a Christian. It was almost as if my heart was leaking out the promises of God while allowing the lies to be pumped into my mind poisoning my life.



Recently, I received a link to a teaching on trauma followed by a prayer for any trauma one has experienced in life. As I was listening, one phrase jumped out at me and tears ran down my face. This simple phrase sounded louder than every other part of the prayer.

“Waiting for the other shoe to drop”



I realized immediately this was a mindset I was still entertaining on a daily basis. It seems I'd always been waiting for the “next bad thing” to happen in my life. The fear that I will always make wrong choices has sometimes kept me frozen in the present. I'm always the victim so what will the victim experience next?



I'd like to share how God has used these two phrases in my healing.



”Are you present with us tonight?”



“Waiting for the other shoe to drop,”

These two phrases have been separated by quite some time, several years in fact. I've had time and opportunity to move forward, leaving behind the idea that my future is determined by my past or even my present circumstances. As I look back on the first revelation now, I understand that it was necessary for me to first learn that I was frozen in the past. Allowing myself to feel the pain of the past abuse and bring it before God and other women at Barnabas was one of the first steps on the healing path for me.



It was a thawing out of sorts. For those who've ever built a snowman, only to watch it melt away, leaving behind only traces of what once was, perhaps you can understand and even share my ensuing confusion and feelings of discouragement as I continued to struggle with habitual thinking, wondering if I could ever become a different person.



God's Word promises a surpassing victory to those who are in Christ Jesus. When the heat and pressure of circumstances have come in the years since that first step, I've felt myself melting under the pressure, leaving behind the remnants of what once was a feeling of promised victory unfulfilled. Like the joy and beauty of making a snowman standing erect in the sunlight, there've been days I felt I had nothing to show for my time there.



Continuing to erect my walls of protection, waiting for the other shoe to drop, I seemed to know where I came from but not where I was going. It was as God gave me this second phrase as a new revelation, I began to understand where the battle was being waged. A real war was happening right between my ears, this war could consume the remainder of my days on earth, stealing my present and robbing me of hope for any future. The belief that my future would always be marred by my past was a stronghold in my mind that would have to come down. Thoughts about what happened in my past have been holding me hostage in my present and making it impossible for me to walk into my future. I recognized my need to have a whole new mindset.



When we become the new creation in Christ spoken about in II Corinthians 5:17, we are born again in our spirit man. Our minds are up for grabs, if you will, and I've known for some time we must make a choice as to the renewal of our minds. It has been in this step I've faltered, see-sawing between the choice to renew my mind and allowing myself to be conformed to this world. Preferring the comfort of what seems to be normal after years of living a victim mentality can prevent one from taking the necessary steps to let go of the past completely. Change is uncomfortable and requires effort on our parts if we are to see results.



It wasn't many days after I heard the expression “waiting for the other shoe to drop” that I came across a prayer in Stormie Omartian's book that gave me another confirmation that I was on the right track.



“Father,

Enable me to let go of the past completely. Deliver me from the hold it has on me. Help me put off the former conduct and habitual ways of thinking and help me be renewed in my mind. (Ephesians 4:22-23) Enlarge my understanding of the scripture in Revelations 21:5, “You make all things new.”

Show me a fresh, Holy Spirit inspired way of relating to negative things that have happened to me. Give me the mind of Christ so I can clearly discern Your voice from voices of the past. When I hear the old voices, enable me to rise up and shut them down with the truth of your Word.”



As 2012 began, God opened my eyes to see that I had a responsibility to renew my mind with His Word. While I can attest to His faithfulness to help me in this effort, I am finally recognizing I must take the initiative in this battle. In this prayer words like “enable and show me,” “deliver me,” and “enlarge my understanding,” are cries for his help. His faithfulness cannot be denied. Soon after this I found a scripture to refute the lie that I could always expect the other shoe to drop and remain a victim of my past forever.



“And therefore the Lord [earnestly] waits [expecting, looking and longing] to be gracious to you; and therefore He lifts himself up, that He may have mercy on you and show loving-kindness to you. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) are all those who [earnestly] wait for Him, who expect and look and long for Him [for His victory, His favor, His love, His peace, His joy, and His matchless, unbroken companionship]!



Did you see it there? The victory is not only in what He does but in my earnest waiting and expectation of all the good things He has promised. I play a part in my own healing. I am reminded of some words in a scripture that jumped off the page as I was reading in early January.



“...because My word has no entrance (makes no progress, does not find any place) in you.”



These words of Jesus pierced my heart that day. These words followed the familiar words in John 8:32, ”and you will know the Truth and the Truth will set you free.” That day I was faced with a choice. That's what it boils down to, a choice, to accept the lies or shut them down with the truth. God has given me His Word as a weapon to shut down the old voices of the past or trust the truth of His Word and gain the victory over my enemy.



I am reminded of my renewed vision to write that came in 2008 and the discouragement I've felt in following through over the last four years. Today my eyes fell on the original scripture God gave me in September 2008. The second part of this verse brings peace to my heart as I realize He's been moving me in the right direction all along.



“The things God plans won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, I do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. I will just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!” (Habakkuk 2:3)



Surely God opened my eyes to see that I have made progress... slow and steady progress as I've walked this healing path. I will accept the responsibility He has presented me in the present to take part in the renewal of my mind and wait with expectation for what He is going to do next to fulfill the vision He has for my life.



As we continue, I'd like to share with you some ways I first learned to renew my mind in my early days of healing at Barnabas. The first practical tool will take commitment to daily quiet time and prayer. Now that I have been practicing this in my own life, I am gaining the surpassing victory as I become more Word-minded and shut down habitual thinking and refute the lies of the enemy. Even if you've failed before, join me in expectation that God will be gracious and extend His loving-kindness to you in every effort you make to renew your mind with His Word.



So don't just wait for the other shoe to drop, expecting much of the same for your life. Join me in expecting God to bring transformation to your life as you make the choice to try the following practices in the next couple of weeks. Like myself you may need longer or you may find yourself coming back to this practice in months or years to come. Just know that God is slowly, steadily, surely bringing His vision to pass in your life as you partner with Him.



Buy a journal for recording the following daily...

Today I am feeling______________________.



When I have these feelings I have these thoughts______________.



When I have these thoughts I want to________________________.



The lie I am believing is__________________________________.



Ask God to show you something in His Word that refutes this lie of the enemy.



Today my prayer is______________________________________.



Don't allow yourself to become discouraged. In the beginning, I was very unsure of my feelings. Having been in an abusive situation for quite some time, I had been accustomed to getting caught up in the emotions of someone else. Allow God to show you one emotion and thought at the time. Go with Him, He will lead you gently as you make the choice to follow Him.

PRESS!!!



The first week of January God began to speak to me through the phrase, “It's words (the Word) that matters most.” You can read the archived post with this title here on the blog. There were several key scriptures I was led to read and jot down in my journal. Among those were Ephesians 4:29, Deutoronomy 30:14, I Thessalonians 5:23 and especially the following scripture....




“Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in thy sight, oh Lord, my strength and my Redeemer.”



After viewing 8 messages on DVD about the brain, which focused on the concept of renewing the mind, I was then led to pull out the book Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer. As I look back on the first three weeks of January 2012, I can see God's leading each and every step of the way. As Joyce shares in her book, “you must think about what you are thinking.” I was becoming more focused on just how powerfully our thinking influences our attitudes and beliefs, influencing our actions and behaviors and ultimately becoming the framework of our lives. So many problems in our lives are rooted in wrong thinking patterns. Satan offers us wrong thinking but we don't have to accept the offer.



This morning God took me one step further in my own journey as I listened to a teaching by Creflo Dollar titled NO MORE FEAR. I was getting my coffee in the kitchen when the teaching began. I heard him say, “Turn to Psalm 78:1-10.” It was at that moment... his first words... I knew God was about to take me to a new level of healing. For quite some time now I've been attempting to write a book and one of the scriptures that was the basis for my writing was Psalm 78:1-10. You can read this passage in several translations at http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=As the teaching began, I soon discovered the focus was going to be “letting go of the past and pressing forward to your future.” In verse 9 it says, the children of Ephraim were armed and carrying bows, yet they turned back in the day of battle. Before the thirty minute message was over, I was certain the battle for myself and many others is in these two words...



“Turning Back”



I'd like to share my notes and thoughts so that we can all defeat FEAR in our lives and PRESS forward to God's high calling.



Panic or fear is unrealistic ground...no support for it... no reason.

How do we allow ourselves to walk in groundless fear?



Satan HAS to get you in your past to move you into fear.



Look where you have been …

a failure

hurt and wounded

abused

cheated



You will start thinking about these things and begin to expect the same. Fear of the future is based on what happened in the past. But with God, failure in the past does not mean failure in the future!



Philippians 3:7-17 (the whole thing is so amazing but let's focus on verse 13)

“....but one thing I do [it is my one aspiration] forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead.”



How many times have I read this scripture and even made an attempt to put it into practice. But this morning, I saw for the first time how deeply our thinking is involved in the PRESS as Satan opposes us in our thoughts about the past.



Thoughts of ….

Guilt

Shame

Condemnation

Failure

Unforgiveness

Bitterness

Resentment...



These are all rooted in the past. I cannot doubt if I don't even consider past.

I can't be envious, jealous, unforgiving, afraid to have relationship..... if I don't consider the past.



Faith is based on Future but

Fear is based on the Past....



In Luke 9:62 Jesus says, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back [to the things behind]

is fit for the kingdom of God.” (I'd like to add a note from the message I listened to... “doesn't mean not fit for heaven.. but now fit for kingdom, victorious living.)



Isaiah 43:18 “Remember not the former things, consider not....God is doing a NEW thing.”



Genesis 41:51 Manasseh meaning “forget the toils”

Ephraim meaning “fruitful”

Had to be a Manasseh before there was an Ephraim



So you've failed, been abused, wounded and hurt, cheated...

Get Up!



Micah 7:8 “Rejoice not against me, O my enemy! When I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord shall be a light to me.”



Let go of the crutches, the story of abuse, the wounds, the wrongs done to you...



It almost killed you but PRESS! Tell the story in Victory...



God has new things, new mercy, new victories...



PRESS FORWARD!



Genesis 19:17

Don't become a pillar of salt... stuck, stranded, paralyzed in the past.. Escape for your life..



Do Not Look Behind You....



Ten years can come and go and you will be in the same place.

Paul got it and he wants us to get it too...



He'd persecuted Christians but he said these words...

“I've wronged no man.”

This was his statement of faith and it can be ours too...



FORGETTING THE PAST... PRESSING FORWARD... NO REAR VIEW MIRRORS... ALWAYS FORWARD...GOD IS DOING A NEW THING...



PRESS!!!!

Show Up and Love out Loud

I remember a smile coming to my lips as our pastor started his message yesterday. "What the World Needs Now is Love Sweet Love," in the familiar voice of Dionne Warwick. The smile came so quickly not just because this was popular in my youth but because I've been hearing this tune in my head for some months now. I've even thought of the words while observing certain circumstances around me in schools, shopping malls and restaurants. There are so many hurting people and its not difficult to see how they take their hurts out on others. Before you think I have some issues and find this funny or amusing, let me assure you my smile had nothing to do with pleasure in observing others' pain. Quite the opposite. I was simply feeling the connection yesterday as our pastor ministered the message to Love out Loud. My smile was like my signal back to God. "I hear you." God speaks so often if we tune our ears to listen. He might even use an old familiar tune to get our attention.

The message I heard yesterday would have had little impact if I'd been a hearer only. God's Word instructs us to be "doers" of the Word. I always know the Word will be challenged in my life and usually pretty quickly. The three main points of the message were:
Be present physically
Be present emotionally
Be present spiritually
A quick summary of these three points

Jesus (The Word) became flesh... He became deeply involved in the lives of those he ministered to.
He was present physically and had face to face contact with others.

Jesus (The Word) made His dwelling among us...His ministry brought revelation by fileting the hearts of those he spoke with...He settled in with those who needed to understand like Nicodemus and gave them time to understand who He really was...no guesswork...

Jesus (The Word) was full of grace and truth...He spoke the truth in love and His message was seasoned with grace and the assurance that He makes all things NEW.

This is my paraphrase of the message and how it played out in my heart and life within hours.

At the end of the sermon we were asked

"Who do you need to be "present" with this week?" Physically, emotionally, spiritually...

My mind went first to my father who is going to be 86 on Saturday and then to some ladies I've visited at the nursing home.. and before I could get too far I was in my car headed to my daddy's with a sack lunch from a local fast food.

I arrived at daddy's and unpacked my lunch. He'd had a small lunch and was watching football. He's not a big talker so I became my "chatty self." In all honesty, I think I congratulated myself on being present physically knowing I need to be there more than I have been in past weeks. But, the thoughts of being present emotionally are a little more hazy with most of us. Where would God want to filet my heart today in this relationship? How might I settle down into this visit and see where God might want me to grow?

When my daddy said he was going to go to the grocery store later, it came to me that I should ask my daddy to accompany me to the grocery store to get himself some groceries. Being an independent sort, I expected the usual, "I'll just go later." But instead after a slight, and I mean very slight hesitation, he agreed to go with me.

It was one of the quickest visits to the grocery store I've experienced in my life. Obviously, he has his list in his head and makes his visits one of short order so I was forced to keep up with him, even leaving behind one item I couldn't quickly find that was on my list. I could certainly pick this up sometime later at another store. Daddy was obviously tired by the 15 minute trip down two aisles and ready to get back home.

As I drove away from my dad's house, I remembered the pastors definition of "slacktivism." He mentioned those who post their interests in ministries to human trafficking (which by the way I'd just posted yesterday morning) and the wearing of t-shirts and armbands that tout your allegiance to some cause. He didn't mince words when he said "Show up." Love shows up. Today, I could be missing a frozen pie crust but I made time to get to another store. I confess I don't always show up physically, emotionally or spiritually but the Word was given yesterday and I learned by showing up my daddy would accept my offer and I could learn some patience and put my needs aside.

It's one thing to hear a love song inside my head, it's quite another to sing it out loud over others as we make the effort to show up in their lives. I know that one day I'll wear a smile when I remember our visit to the grocery store. I'll remember my daddy chuckling as a little Hispanic girl opened the freezer container to get something in front of him instead of being annoyed. I'll remember his determination to take the cart back and carry his own things inside his things in the house. I'll remember his concern that I get on home with my things. I'll remember my struggle to keep up with him as he grabbed the essentials and sped down the aisle while I was still trying to make my choices.

There's still so much I need to learn about loving others. Today I'm thinking of how much my daddy is ahead of me in this thing called life. His loving concern for my mother when she was ill and his determination in life in the face of difficult circumstances have been an inspiration. I imagine he could tell me alot about what real love means if he were a big conversationalist, but he's not. He has chosen to "show up" in the lives of his family members and has done it without complaining or seeming annoyed that we are taking his time. God help me get the love essentials on my list and stop wasting time with the unessentials. Let me show up and love out loud....there's a world out there that needs my daddy's character in me.