I think my family would tell you I love to have fun, even acting somewhat foolish for an adult at times.
However, they would also tell you I'm pretty ridiculous about my hair and makeup at times. I just don't like feeling exposed to public places without makeup and both clean and styled hair. And once I've cleaned up and spent hours getting cleaned up from the sand and sweat of the beach, I'm done with water for the day. Of course, we have no control over the sudden cloudbursts or thunderstorms. I have about as much control over my naturally curly hair which seems to come completely unfurled in the humidity at the beach.
I've shared all this to preface some serious thoughts today. As we are all aware, sometimes things happen in life that make life seem to unfurl and we are hit by that sudden rainstorm or the SMACK!!! of an unexpected water balloon.
About mid-week, my friend David and I decided to take a ride on the golf cart. After a time, we found a place we could look out over the water where we became the uninvited guests at a wedding on the beach. You probably wouldn't imagine that my mind went to a thought about how the wind was blowing the bride's hair all willy nilly as she stood next to her soon to be husband. While I love the beach and have often thought it a beautiful place to tie the knot, I couldn't see myself making that choice since it would leave much to chance, the least of which might be the condition of my hair.
What superficiality can be found in thoughts like these!
With no reception being held and our being uninvited to begin with, we made our way back to where family was WAITING.
It seems I knew it immediately and spoke quickly these words of caution, “Don't pull in, they're going to get us!” Everyone perched on the deck with the look of a cheshire cat on each of their faces, was a heads up that we were about to be lambasted with red, white, blue and WET. I also saw the technology come out and someone taking a picture which was sure to be on Facebook.
I was correct. Within minutes my now windblown, wedding and water balloon attendee hair would be seen by people everywhere. Exposed. That's the word for how I felt for a few minutes after I got over the feeling of t-shirt and shorts sticking to my skin and changed into something more comfortable.
I've struggled all of my adult life with superficial things like my outward appearance. My inclination today is to admit how often these struggles have stolen much joy from my life. A friend, who will remain anonymous, confessed to me her own struggle to enjoy a ride in her date's convertible while trying to keep her hair in place. While we both laughed and found some comfort in our shared struggles, we would both like to be free of the shackles of feeling less than perfect.
I've just completed a book about the subject of Shame. On the back cover there is this statement. “Shame controls far too many of us.” I'd like to suggest today that anything that makes us want to hide behind perfect hair and makeup, perfect grades or perfect performance in any area of our lives hints of shame. If the real person inside of you wants to experience life as you once did as a child without erecting the walls of self protection to “save face” you might find a root of shame in your life.
I am learning there are certain things in my own life (larger than the hair issue) that feel like the water balloon assault about to go down. It feels like the same thing is about to happen to me all over again and life might just come unfurled and my shame will again be EXPOSED. I hear myself saying, “Just don't go there. Hide. You aren't invited to the celebration. The attack is waiting right around the corner. Just look at you! You don't belong or fit in!”
I'm happy to report that the Bible is about shame from start to finish. God began to open my eyes to this some years ago in such a beautiful way. I wish I could report that I have reached the ultimate goal of freedom I long for in my life. Some days I feel like I'm still just getting my feet wet. While I'm still prone to get stuck in the “every hair's in place” performance mode for acceptance, God is teaching me to understand how to look at Jesus through the lens of shame and see how much He cares for, covers, adopts, cleanses and accepts each of us.
A few days ago, I found another less than desirable photo of myself taken at the beach and without my awareness shared on Facebook. At first I thought of how many people might see my lack of makeup and the lines in my face. Then I found myself laughing out loud at the moment I'd had with my son. I decided to share it with some friends and hopefully they might enjoy the moment with me.
My goal in sharing so candidly with you is that we all might see how much time, joy and freedom can be stolen from us when we see life through the lens of shame. There was that moment in time that God and His Son shared together that has made it possible for each of us to be free of shameful, protective thoughts, patterns and behaviors.
“Everything Scripture says about shame converges at Jesus. From his birth to his crucifixion, the shame of the world was distilled to its most concentrated form and washed over him. He was despised, insulted, naked, a friend of sinners, and abandoned by those who knew Him best. The crucifixion was not the tragic end of an otherwise charmed life. It was the logical conclusion of the shame he voluntarily accumulated from the moment of his birth.” (p.107, Welch)
If you've asked yourself the question, “why would she be so concerned with her outward appearance?” know that I've asked myself a thousand times over. I'm learning that my focus should no longer be on that question but the one who gave Himself to be the answer to that question. The more my thoughts are on the scars in His hands more than the lines on my face and the crown on his head more than the tangled mess of my hair, my freedom will unfurl.
Join me today in getting a picture of how you'd like to see freedom from the effects of shame in your life.
By faith I see myself approaching Christ, my Bridegroom, on the beach, with my hair in disarray from the salty sea spray. My eyes are glowing and my face unadorned except for the expression of thankfulness and deep love I have for Him. My heart is exposed but there's no need for a veil, no need for a covering of any sort. He invites me to take His hand and walk in the water. I know there will be no more rejection, no more betrayal. He accepts me. He chooses me. Like the waves, His mercy and love come crashing over me and finally I understand the freedom He has always had for me.
